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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

I’ll never be badass enough to walk around chewing on a toothpick.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

You should be allowed to speed if good music is playing.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

The internal struggle between wanting to be productive and just wanting to nap all day.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Migraine so bad you develop powers like superhuman hearing.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and live for 150 years. Lesson learned.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

The algorithm knows about that thing you like that you’re denying yourself of.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Can anyone recommend some good behaviors for someone who just started behaving?

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Going “Omgg, that’s crazy,” every time my coworkers talk until it’s time to go home.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Opening a bakery and calling it “I’m a crepe. I’m a weird dough.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,469

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

My girlfriend just had a go at me for not glistening, whatever that is.

Live now on Twitch:

What would boomers do without their paper shredder?

Just shared via Pinterest:

Welcome to your 40’s: you get excited about avocados now.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Welcome to my very loose interpretation of ‘functioning adult’.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Oh, gross. I didn’t know there was protein in this powder. I was only drinking it for the lead.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Aliens traveled millions of light years to get here to visit New Jersey.

Going viral on Facebook:

Wondering when these skinny jeans are gonna kick in.

Making waves on TikTok:

There are two quantities of popcorn: not enough and what have I done

Going viral on Twitch:

Dates are weird, like, okay I guess I’ll dress up for my romantic interview.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Bro to bro: Never get your haircut on the day of a special event.

Blocking someone isn’t enough; I need their PornHub videos to always buffer, just as they’re about to climax.

4 weeks ago

Witty text about digital frustrations and buffering during intimate moments.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"If revenge is a dish best served cold, then making their videos buffer at the climax is a sub-zero level of petty ❄️😂 Stay frosty, my friends! #PettyGoals"

always, blocking, buffer, climax, enough, humor, i, just, need, Pornhub, prank, relationship, revenge, someone, videos

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on WeChat this month:

So why is it that when Star Trek ‘boldly go where no one has gone before’ they always find someone there?

38 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you ever go backpacking in the wilderness, be sure to wear corduroy pants, so you can start a fire if needed.

49 shares on TikTok this month:

Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

52 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When they say screen time is bad for you, they just mean the ones at work, right?

80 shares on Discord this month:

A bridesmaid, but to carry the end of my CVS receipt.

39 shares on TikTok this month:

Forgetting how to clean the dishes and shooting them with a gun.

57 shares on Snapchat this month:

“Why do I feel like shit all the time?” I ask myself, while staring into the flashlight that tells me bad news.

52 shares on Slack this month:

Every ‘c’ in ‘Pacific Ocean’ is pronounced differently.

39 shares on Facebook this month:

The thumbs up emoji is a nice way to tell someone not only did you receive their message, you’re also done with the conversation.

18 shares on YouTube this month:

There’s protein in foods that have never been protein before.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Just because your parents planned you doesn’t mean you weren’t a mistake.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

When people give me directions and they’re like “you can’t miss it,” I’m like, “Oh, you do not know what I’m capable of.”

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I need to go to jail for a while to catch up on all my reading.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Jacket I left on a chair that sometimes looks like a person at night stuns in new evening nightmare.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I respectfully ignore DMs because I promise you, I am not your soulmate.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

By 30, you should have settled down with an addiction that works for your lifestyle, no second guessing. You go to work, come home, and [addiction].

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I love men with a provider fetish.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

AI could never steal company time the way I do.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If I had money, my life would be pretty much the same, but my dogs would destroy much nicer stuff.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,642

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Having a good heart has done nothing but made me look stupid.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Boy, did The Shining nail what it’s like being an only child.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Know what goes good with beer? Another one.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

Insurance is cool because even if you have it, it still kinda feels like you don’t.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

I have read that there are imaginary pregnancies. The belly gets bigger and bigger, but there is no baby inside. Finally a diagnosis.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

I showered with my boyfriend. My breasts have never been so clean! Wow!

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

I’m surviving motherhood, one teenage meltdown at a time.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize, I honestly did not think you could read.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Everything is dishwasher safe if you don’t care enough about it.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

I won’t be doing Dry January, because who was there for me during the happy times and the hard times? Not broccoli.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

At the airport, and a wife asked her husband, “Where are our seats?” and he responds, “In the airplane.”

Just landed via WeChat:

My account is fake, I’m actually your probation officer.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Unfortunately, the movie you want to watch is unavailable on your 13 streaming services. You can rent it for $2.99 though.

Live now on Messenger:

Sorry I missed your call when I pressed decline.

Seen just now on Instagram:

My birthday wish is for everyone to ignore my birthday.

Freshly posted on Slack:

If your kids aren’t drinking enough water, tell them it’s bedtime.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Sometimes I delay my haircut intentionally to look rugged just to make that glow-up more iconic.

Just shared via Slack:

I may be sensitive, but everyone else could be a little kinder, too.

Trending via X:

It’s crazy that you don’t really argue with a baby for the first year of its life and then you have to argue with the baby every day.

Just shared via Messenger:

I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.

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