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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

“I’m at that stage of Christmas shopping where I start buying myself presents.”

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

When I quit my job I’m setting one last OOO message that just says “your email will never find me again”

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

I think fathers lose their mind a little bit when they realize their daughters aren’t as forgiving as their wives.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Blackout curtains because I’ll decide what time it is.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

On the next episode of Hoarders, they visit my subconscious.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Changing my passwords regularly has certainly helped protect my accounts. Against me.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Long story short, I survived.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

If I had a wife, I’d text her things like, ‘What’s your full name?’ and ‘When’s your birthday?’

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Changing my relationship status from “Single” to “I give up.”

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

An apple a day may keep the doctor away, but some silly a day keeps the boredom at bay.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,591

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

All my favorite activities involve a mattress.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Guys with grey in their beards will do that thing you like.

Shared recently on Instagram:

The difference between a biography and an autobiography is self-explanatory.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Instead of screaming into the void, I’m going to ask it for recipes.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Don’t forget to brush your teeth, comb your hair, cleanse your face, and share my posts.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI get absolutely no work done and then throw their coworker under the bus as soon as their boss asks about it.

Going viral on WeChat:

How can I be expected to get out of bed when I don’t want to?

Shared recently on Threads:

I wanted to study psychology, but I have more potential as a patient, to be honest.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Twitter is cigarette for the eyes.

“Can my boyfriend come?” Will he contribute to our conversation, at least one question?

2 months ago

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Tell him to practice some good questions, like asking for the Wi-Fi password! 😂📶

boyfriend, communication, conversation, humor, interaction, least, question, relationship, social, social interaction

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30 shares on Discord this month:

It is easier to pass a camel through the eye of a needle than it is to convince somebody online that they are wrong.

60 shares on Discord this month:

There are only two kinds of people, and I avoid them both.

87 shares on X this month:

Pets can’t talk but everyone loves them. This is not a coincidence.

44 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t drink alcohol. I like suffering raw.

56 shares on Slack this month:

Duolingo does everything except actually teach you the language.

12 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The number of times I stand in a room, staring because I forgot why I walked in there, is embarrassingly high.

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

Getting to the age where I’m like, “Oh, hopefully I’ll be dead by then.”

61 shares on Threads this month:

If I ever win the lottery and decide to invest in a billboard company, I won’t tell anyone; but there will be signs.

91 shares on WeChat this month:

After a lot of experience, I can conclude that one can never actually cross “washing dishes” off the to-do list.

25 shares on WeChat this month:

Urgh. Trying to buy a copy of Catch-22 online but the seller won’t post it until I’ve paid and I won’t pay until I’ve received it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

A marriage is about solving problems together, you know, those problems you wouldn’t have if you were single.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Having a teenager is fun because the voice in my head that questions everything I do now has a friend.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Staying weird for my own sanity.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Whether you rip off a bandaid quickly or slowly, I find it’s best to ask the wearer’s permission first.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

If I were a higher power, and people were doing evil in my name, I’d probably stop it … but that’s just me.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

I skip questions on exams like I’m gonna be a different person when I come back to them.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

Cleaning a house with children in it is like shoveling snow on the North Pole.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Liquor on the top shelf is so expensive because the bartender has to stand on their tippy toes to reach it.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Taking a phone to school in primary was like smuggling drugs.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Sometimes somebody will share something from way back in my timeline, and I’ll think, “Oh God, what all did they see to get there?”

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

I love being an adult and sitting absolutely still and suddenly I’ve hurt my neck somehow.

Spotted on Telegram:

I know life can be tough, but you still gotta wear deodorant.

Making waves on Messenger:

College is not even mentioned once in the Bible. Somebody get me outta here.

Shared recently on Threads:

Adulthood is about being able to eat cookies for breakfast, but not doing it because you already ate all the cookies.

Live now on Messenger:

Every day when I get home, I thank my cats for allowing me to live in their house.

Making waves on Telegram:

Grok, is this true? Grok, am I original? Grok, am I the only one? Grok, am I sexual?

Just shared via Discord:

What would boomers do without their paper shredder?

Going viral on Instagram:

“I’m not jealous of nobody but stay-at-home wives who are married to wealthy men.”

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I assume my soulmate has sold his soul to the devil.

Live now on Telegram:

Being smart is a curse. You see the game, the lies, the patterns, but you still gotta play dumb to survive.

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“Can my boyfriend come?” Will he contribute to our conversation, at least one question?

I’m a go with the flow kind of gal unless the flow is after 9pm or involves parallel parking.

The more stupid the views, the harder it is to talk people out of them.

Your soulmate wouldn’t do you like that, by the way.

Bruce Lee had a faster older brother named Sudden Lee.

Life tip: If all of your bathrooms are full and you’re waiting for someone to finish, just turn off the WiFi in the house.

It’s awkward touching hands with another man inside a popcorn bag, especially if you don’t know the man and he doesn’t know you’re eating his popcorn.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

“Can my boyfriend come?” Will he contribute to our conversation, at least one question?

Keep the laugh going 😂

I’m a go with the flow kind of gal unless the flow is after 9pm or involves parallel parking.

The more stupid the views, the harder it is to talk people out of them.

Your soulmate wouldn’t do you like that, by the way.

Bruce Lee had a faster older brother named Sudden Lee.

Life tip: If all of your bathrooms are full and you’re waiting for someone to finish, just turn off the WiFi in the house.

It’s awkward touching hands with another man inside a popcorn bag, especially if you don’t know the man and he doesn’t know you’re eating his popcorn.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨