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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

My husband was unable to find his coat earlier as he’d accidentally hung it up.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

If you ever need me, I’m always just a couple missed calls and text messages away.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

My favorite yoga pose is reaching for the remote control on the far end of the table without falling off the couch.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Please don’t flirt with me. I’m trying not to cheat on my crush who doesn’t like me.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

I wouldn’t walk 500 miles, and then walk 500 more.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Whoever came up with the spelling for “receipt” was an idiopt.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

I need someone to wring out my brain like a dishrag.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Most people in your life will come and go but occasionally you’ll meet someone really special who makes you contemplate murder.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

If Wonka had a spaghetti factory, I’d get sucked into a marinara river tube so fast.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1150 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,312

Funny Quotes Topics

14,225

Funny Quotes Images

11,312

7 minutes ago

3,424

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

My husband asked me if he had any annoying habits then got offended during the PowerPoint presentation.

Just landed via X:

Wow, you have a very impressive collection of strange tendencies.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

My morning routine includes 20 minutes of staring at the ceiling thinking about how tired I am and debating if I really need to live today.

Live now on WeChat:

I’ll never salute you, General Settings.

Just shared via Slack:

If I were a mouse, I’d say things like “cheesed to meet you”.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Very disappointed to find out that the universal remote control I bought does not control the universe.

Just shared via Threads:

I don’t have time for anything that doesn’t set my soul on fire.

Making waves on Instagram:

I love diss tracks because it’s basically two dudes going, “grr, we hate each other so much we’re going to take turns writing increasingly personalized poetry!”

Going viral on Snapchat:

Apparently you’re not supposed to announce that there’s been a death in the family every time you kill a houseplant.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Accidentally turned my clocks back too far and ended up at a Wham concert.

Cinderella was a mess. I mean, I have bad taste in men, but at least I never settled for a guy who couldn’t remember what my face looked like.

6 months ago

Cinderella was a mess. I mean, I have bad taste in men, but at least I never settled for a guy who couldn’t remember what my face looked like.

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Commentary:
Oh, Cinderella, sweetie, your standards were lower than her glass slipper size! 🙈 Talk about a prince who needs to get his memory checked! Maybe next time, Cinderella should swipe left on the forgetful ones! 👸🏼🤦🏻‍♂️

bad, bad taste, Cinderella, face, guy, humor, i, mean, men, mess, never, remember, settled, taste

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1150 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,312

Funny Quotes Topics

14,225

Funny Quotes Images

11,312

7 minutes ago

3,444

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

There should be a withering shamrock emoji so that people can express misfortune or Irish grief.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Imagine not sighing when you think about your life.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

“You look happy.” Thanks, I stopped dating.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Being held for questioning sounds more romantic than it is.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

The best essential oils are the ones that drip out of Tacos.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

Planking is the only time we appreciate time.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don’t answer because I’m eating.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

If I’m too quiet you can rest assured I’m in the process of planning my sweet escape or your equally sweet demise.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

But have you tried getting slow neck kisses and soft ear whispers about it?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

When I get filthy rich, I will stay humble by continuing to use grocery bags as bathroom trash bags.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

My mother still has some really ugly things from the 90s. My older brother, for example.

Making waves on Slack:

Jehovah’s Witnesses tell the worst knock knock jokes.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Work can be tiring at times, and you might feel like quitting. But remember those plane tickets.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Leggings: elegant for some, elephant for others.

Just shared via TikTok:

Keep your fries close and your onion rings closer.

Going viral on YouTube:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at social gatherings.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Listen up. If he hooks his sunglasses in the front collar of his shirt, he’s got something important to say.

Seen just now on WeChat:

For a girl that loves sleep and hates stress, my career choice is questionable.

Trending via Reddit:

Give it to me straight, doc, what can I do to be healthier besides changing my entire lifestyle?

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