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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

If you smoke pot in Saudi Arabia, you risk getting stoned.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Sorry I didn’t respond to your message, I got stuck in a cloud while skydiving and lived for 72 days by drinking rain and eating birds that flew too close.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

I suck at flirting. I’ll be like “is that so?”

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Perks of being ugly: phone battery lasts longer.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

First date idea: Couples Colonoscopies.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

I’m so smart, I got rid of cable and now I only have $638 in monthly streaming services.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Wanted to report a YouTube video, but there is no option for “Cringe”, so I just picked “Terrorism”.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

I’ll never tell anyone your secret because that would mean talking to people.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Don’t tell me that everything was better in the past. I was there.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

I’m pretty sure emojis were invented so introverts don’t have to say anything to anyone.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,490

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

If you’re soft, don’t come to my house, cause my kids will roast you.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

For as long as that song was, you’d think the Ghost Busters would have mentioned their phone number at least once.

Freshly posted on X:

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

Trending via Snapchat:

No, I won’t be attending your seance, I barely want to talk to the living.

Making waves on Instagram:

Being awake is the worst.

Going viral on WeChat:

I’m exactly where I want to be. At home, avoiding people.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Nobody cleans better than someone who’s pissed off.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Fishing for compliments like “I’m a mess in this photo that I took all morning to get the right angle and filter and after 50 selfies this is me”.

Spotted on Reddit:

Fun fact: sexual tension is more fun than the sex itself.

Going viral on Slack:

And to my children I leave my collection of tote bags and gift bags.

Cocktails can be tricky, because they taste like juice, but then the next thing you know… you can’t walk.

2 months ago

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Juice: *tastes great, but forgot to mention it's moonwalking practice in a glass* 🍹🕺😂

alcohol, cocktail, cocktails, drink, humor, juice, know, next, party, taste, thing, tipsy, tricky, walk, walking

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64 shares on Messenger this month:

Not many things sadder than an untickled fancy.

83 shares on Reddit this month:

Sawing a hole in a table from underneath to steal a cake is a lot harder than cartoons would have you believe.

92 shares on Twitch this month:

Sunday night: Super Bowl party! Monday morning: Toilet Bowl party!

76 shares on Snapchat this month:

All I’m dealing with is broken people. Lord, if I’m a mechanic, please tell me.

17 shares on Instagram this month:

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.

81 shares on WeChat this month:

If they cancel the Simpsons, we will no longer be able to see into the future.

89 shares on Reddit this month:

Don’t worry, nobody noticed the weird thing you did. They’re too busy with the weird thing you said.

74 shares on Reddit this month:

Hilarious when peoples outgoing voicemail message says they “can’t make it to the phone right now.” You carry the phone with you. It’s the only constant in your life.

84 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Imagine hating me and I don’t notice.

77 shares on Instagram this month:

If I would’ve known that you were going to ask me what I was thinking, I wouldn’t have been thinking what I was thinking.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Sparkling water tastes like that feeling when your foot falls asleep.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

I’ll marry your mom just so I can ground you.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Laziness is the mother of all bad habits, but ultimately she is a mother, and we should respect her.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Stress in private, complain on Twitter, happy in public.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Being an adult is spending every day looking at a pill bottle, wondering, “Did I take this already?”

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Apparently, the job interviewer doesn’t like it when your biggest weakness is beautiful Latinas.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

At this point, I’m sure I’ll meet an alien or zombies before I meet the love of my life!

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Sometimes life is like a cowshed. You step from one turd into the next.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

The homie who’s ultimately just a pawn in your grand scheme.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Ctrl Alt delete my fat.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I could easily win an Oscar, I just have other things going on right now.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Hate it when my alarm goes off in the morning, and I’m still alive.

Just landed via Messenger:

No matter how busy my Sunday gets, I always manage to set aside time to panic about Monday.

Spotted on Facebook:

“Stop overthinking.” Oh, wow. Hadn’t considered that. Solved.

Just shared via Twitch:

Unfortunately, I am not nonchalant, I will set myself on fire.

Live now on Facebook:

I won’t rest until a cure for insomnia is found.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I was neglecting my root chakra at the time, your honor.

Trending via Facebook:

Sign at the zoo says “don’t stick your hand in the alligator cage”. Thanks, but I’ll do my own research.

Just landed via Twitch:

The Face ID on my phone won’t work until it sees the loss of hope in my eyes.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Cocktails can be tricky, because they taste like juice, but then the next thing you know… you can’t walk.

If I had 50¢ for every math test I’ve failed, I’d have $7.20.

I don’t understand how some people find love several times in their lives. I first have to find someone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

A police lineup, but you have to recognize your dad’s sneeze.

I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head.

38% of being a dad is sitting in a car, looking at your watch, and waiting for everybody else to come out.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Cocktails can be tricky, because they taste like juice, but then the next thing you know… you can’t walk.

Keep the laugh going 😂

If I had 50¢ for every math test I’ve failed, I’d have $7.20.

I don’t understand how some people find love several times in their lives. I first have to find someone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

A police lineup, but you have to recognize your dad’s sneeze.

Social media needs to crash for like a year so society can recalibrate.

I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head.

38% of being a dad is sitting in a car, looking at your watch, and waiting for everybody else to come out.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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