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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Only time I believe a man is when he tells me that I’m pretty.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Getting sent money you didn’t ask for is very sexy.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

But what if I don’t want someone that’s good for me?

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

“Huh” is 94% of my vocabulary.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

“God has a plan for you!” Okay, well, I have some notes for him.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

Stop roasting yourself, you’re not a marshmallow.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Liking someone who likes you back is probably really good for your mental health.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

There is a reason I’m single and it’s called my face.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Talents: eating!

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

I hate being around people who mistake my childlike wonder as naivety or weakness. I am simply a war general who loves to giggle.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

629 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,222

Funny Quotes Topics

17,352

Funny Quotes Images

15,222

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,968

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

Sure, I could get off the couch today, but then what?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

College is not even mentioned once in the Bible. Somebody get me outta here.

Breaking via Discord:

I once let a really short guy be the big spoon and it felt like I went to bed with a backpack on.

Just shared via Slack:

Super excited about a brand new day of ignoring my problems.

Just shared via Discord:

According to a recent study, women who are a little overweight live longer than men who mention it.

Breaking via Messenger:

My head is starting to get dented from hitting rock bottom so often.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Brainwashing is always considered terrible and horrible. But there are many brains that would benefit from a wash.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

My kids didn’t follow me into the bathroom so now I’m scared to leave and find out what they got into instead.

Just shared via Reddit:

I’m looking for insults so intelligent you don’t realize you’ve been roasted until three thoughts later.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Is ChatGPT my father-in-law because it keeps making stuff up and passing it off as fact?

Cocktails can be tricky, because they taste like juice, but then the next thing you know… you can’t walk.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Juice: *tastes great, but forgot to mention it's moonwalking practice in a glass* 🍹🕺😂

alcohol, cocktail, cocktails, drink, humor, juice, know, next, party, taste, thing, tipsy, tricky, walk, walking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Anyone know how to get an air guitar out of a vacuum?

0

2 months ago

absurdity, air, air guitar, cleaning, funny question, guitar, humor, joke, know, music, question, vacuum
Non-parents be like: I would simply instruct the toddler to do something he doesn’t want to do, and he would obey.

0

2 months ago

expectations, humor, i, instruction, non-parent, obedience, obey, parenting, something, toddler, want
The websites that let me check out as a guest are the real heroes.

0

5 months ago

check, checkout, convenience, guest, guest checkout, hero, let, me, online, online shopping, real, shopping, website, websites
Welcome to your 40s. Your eyes are now like a camera someone doesn’t know how to focus.

0

2 months ago

40s, aging, camera, changes, eyes, focus, humor, know, life, life changes, perception, someone, welcome
Text a co-worker at a random time “are you joining this meeting?” as a fun holiday prank.

0

2 months ago

co-worker, coworker, fun, holiday, meeting, prank, random, random time, text, time, workplace
I secretly want you to say no when I offer you some of my cake.

0

2 months ago

cake, desire, food, humor, i, offer, relationship, say, secret, temptation, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on Twitch this month:

My plant is drunk, it’s growing in the wrong direction.

82 shares on WeChat this month:

In the autumn there are two types of creatures who collect acorns: squirrels and toddlers.

65 shares on Messenger this month:

If all men are the same, why does it take women so long to choose one?

79 shares on Telegram this month:

(lost in the labyrinth and I’m wearing a Fitbit) Nice, got my 10,000 steps.

73 shares on X this month:

Every time the universe sends me a sign, I’m like, okay, but I think I’ll wait for a signier sign.

75 shares on Telegram this month:

Replying to all emails with “ya think?”.

91 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m pretty sure my husband’s favorite sound is the oven range fan turning on when I start making dinner.

17 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but throw away your disgusting dish sponge.

35 shares on Threads this month:

White Lotus is a cautionary tale about taking time off from work.

37 shares on Slack this month:

Being friends with introverts is hard sometimes. Did they die? Are they just recharging? Are they Batman now? The suspense is killing me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Your hoodie strings are uneven. Go home and get your shit together!

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

I’m not athletic, but I’m good at jumping to conclusions.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Relationship goal: synchronizing our eye rolls.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Intermittent fasting is how I drive, not how I eat.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Horse girls and cat ladies get all the attention, but what about crow women?

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Australia is like someone’s still playing Jumanji.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

A beaver is an otter that has studied architecture.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Shout out to people jogging in this heat, no, seriously, shout out to make sure they’re okay.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Psych meds aren’t enough anymore. Hit me with a shovel.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

Show me in the employee handbook where it says I can’t make weird noises in my cubicle.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

Sorry I’m late, I believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left in the cycle.

Shared recently on Slack:

Live, laugh, lie to the doctor about how many drinks you have per week.

Trending via Instagram:

If I ever become a ghost, I’m gonna go back and haunt college me. Tell him to hydrate.

Making waves on Pinterest:

WhatsApp shouldn’t just display “seen”, but also “lies” and “also writes with other girls”!

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I need a six-month vacation twice a year.

Breaking via WeChat:

Anything is an appetizer if you eat more food after.

Making waves on Telegram:

Don’t know how to explain this, but “hot honey” is the pickleball of condiments (derogatory).

Seen just now on YouTube:

They should invent something in between coffee and narcotics.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Did you know on the Canary Islands there is not one canary? And on the Virgin Isles? Same thing – not one canary there either!

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

“You live and you learn!” Bro, I don’t want to do either of those things.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Cocktails can be tricky, because they taste like juice, but then the next thing you know… you can’t walk.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Anyone know how to get an air guitar out of a vacuum?

Non-parents be like: I would simply instruct the toddler to do something he doesn’t want to do, and he would obey.

The websites that let me check out as a guest are the real heroes.

Welcome to your 40s. Your eyes are now like a camera someone doesn’t know how to focus.

Text a co-worker at a random time “are you joining this meeting?” as a fun holiday prank.

I secretly want you to say no when I offer you some of my cake.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨