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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Lie about the gap in your resume. Tell them you had to help some Hobbits take a ring to Mordor or something.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Y’all ever withheld good news so that it remains untouched by negativity?

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

150 years ago, you could just fake your death and go overseas and live a completely different life if you didn’t like the way the cards were originally dealt.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Thursday is really unnecessary. Today could’ve been Friday.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

The second cup of coffee does for me what a can of spinach does for Popeye.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

For introverts, the worst kind of head-on collision is running directly into the person we’re avoiding at the grocery store.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Sorry, I would love to, but I just made a bunch of rules for myself, and I’m actually not allowed to do that.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

“Is this a joke to you?” Unfortunately, everything is a little bit of a joke to me.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

“Your sock has a hole in it!” Yeah, no shit, that’s how I get my foot in there.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

I remember when my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? And I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

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15,753

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

Do beavers even know what they’re doing, or do they just see water flowing down a river and think, “Absolutely not”?

Just landed via Threads:

I never knew how fast I could write until the teacher said pencils down.

Seen just now on Threads:

Not arguing with a man that can cook. Whatever you say, handsome.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Single in the womb, single till the tomb!

Breaking via Messenger:

I hate the person I become when I try to open a package using the ‘Tear Here’ notch, and it stays sealed.

Just landed via X:

She was rare. Like a meth head with good teeth.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Working my first office job. Is it normal to have nothing to do?

Broadcasted on Reddit:

No matter how sad their story is, don’t let anybody move into your house.

Just landed via TikTok:

Kinda worried about something. Don’t know what it is yet.

Seen just now on YouTube:

There’s no reason my stomach should be growling, I just gave it some iced coffee.

Ever ghost an entire event to avoid one ghost from your past?

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about avoiding past ghosts by skipping an entire event, humorous and witty.

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Commentary:
That's some next-level ghost-busting, where you vanish first! 👻✌️✨

avoid, awkward, awkward situation, event, ever, ghost, ghosting, interaction, past, situation, social, social interaction

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42 shares on Threads this month:

I can still drop it like it’s hot. It’s just a lot harder to pick it back up.

17 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m a fully functional adult with the energy levels of a hibernating bear.

43 shares on Snapchat this month:

Age ceases to be just a number everytime the airline announces seating queue priority.

68 shares on Slack this month:

My kids wanted a spooky story from the olden days so I told them the internet used to scream when you turned it on.

80 shares on YouTube this month:

College is literally just you, your laptop, and your water bottle against the world.

34 shares on Reddit this month:

I think I’ll just sit here and waste oxygen all day.

70 shares on Messenger this month:

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

85 shares on WeChat this month:

Buying new glasses this week, so a whole bunch of you are about to get a whole lot uglier.

67 shares on Facebook this month:

This Dollar Tree energy drink has me seeing colors that aren’t available to the naked eye, yet.

29 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m not like other teenagers, I’m 51.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

I wish my midlife crisis made me want to get a gym membership and a revenge body, but instead I’m eating Snickers for breakfast in bed.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Be the horrifying lore of your family’s lineage.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Ironically, the Internet was invented to save time.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

Maybe we should put monkeys in charge for a while just to see how it goes.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

It’s ok to not have a Valentine on Valentine’s Day. I didn’t have a groundhog on Groundhog’s Day.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

A person that weights 200 pounds on Earth weighs 76 pounds on Mars. So I’m not overweight, I’m on the wrong planet.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

If there’s no open mouth cougher on the plane they hold the flight until they can find one.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

I have some cake and now I’m eating it too. Not seeing the problem here.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

At first, big breasts were attractive, then suddenly it was big butts. I’m waiting for it to finally be big bellies.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Cafeteria is a beautiful name for a baby girl.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

I lied, there’s no sex. I just needed help getting out of my skinny jeans.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Hopefully it won’t be as bad as it already is.

Live now on Discord:

My neighbor told me he heard me having sex this morning. I was putting on my shoes.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I’m at that age where someone can call me the wrong name and I’m just like “whatever, I’ll be Dan for a minute”.

Spotted on Slack:

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

Making waves on WeChat:

The thing I bought on Etsy in 2017 has shipped.

Trending via YouTube:

There’s an unwritten rule: if you need something and it’s available at your mom’s house, it’s yours.

Freshly posted on X:

Second day without coffee. I can no longer hear out of my left eye.

Going bananas on WeChat:

That’s kind of sexy of you to be a little weird.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Person: gives compliment. Me: let me give you a brief synopsis of why you are sorely mistaken.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Ever ghost an entire event to avoid one ghost from your past?

Oh, I didn’t tell you? Must have been none of your business, then.

wearing no bra and oversized clothes is self-care at its finest

If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the work of 3-5 people.

The only warning I take seriously these days is when my cell phone battery is low.

So far, every Miss Universe winner has been from Earth.

Most people who have found themselves are amazed to discover that there is nothing there at all.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Ever ghost an entire event to avoid one ghost from your past?

Keep the laugh going 😂

Oh, I didn’t tell you? Must have been none of your business, then.

wearing no bra and oversized clothes is self-care at its finest

If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the work of 3-5 people.

The only warning I take seriously these days is when my cell phone battery is low.

So far, every Miss Universe winner has been from Earth.

Most people who have found themselves are amazed to discover that there is nothing there at all.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨