Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Your brain automatically translates WTF but not LOL.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

I hate it when I’m outside, and an insect lands and crawls on my glasses, and for a split second, I think aliens have invaded.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

If you see me out in public but we haven’t talked since high school, let’s keep it that way.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Men look so amazing for people who use the same product for their teeth, hair, floor and car washing.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

My intern was born in 2007. I have unread emails older than that.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s being annoyed by stupidity.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

If a demon ever possessed me, I’d just sit back and say, “Your problem now.”

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve barely tweeted your manic thoughts today.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Some woman is out there right now, pregnant with Leonardo DiCaprio’s next girlfriend.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Life update: it’s getting worse.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,722

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I don’t always seize the day. Sometimes I poke the day with my index finger and go, ew, ew, ew, ew.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Live now on X:

Facing my uncle’s dreaded lightning bolt attack at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

Making waves on Facebook:

My body is a temple. An ancient, creaky temple with questionable plumbing.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Half of my problems are because I said “sure” instead of “no.”

Live now on Messenger:

You’d think, with the amount of overthinking I do, I’d make the right decision.

Going bananas on X:

You can’t convince me that 2020 didn’t open a portal to hell that we’re still living in.

Spotted on TikTok:

I don’t think human beings were built to know everything going on in the world all the time.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Why procrastinate now when you can always procrastinate later?

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Being a dog must be wild, everyone you meet is your masseuse.

Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout, touchscreens, or money before.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess they accidentally joined the "How to Self-Checkout" certification course! 🛒🤦‍♂️💸

before, customer, every, front, frustration, humor, i, me, money, never, person, queue, self-checkout, shopping, technology, time, touchscreen, used

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Every room is a panic room if someone farts.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward situation, every, fart, humor, interaction, panic, panic room, reaction, room, situation, social, social interaction, someone
At the Pride and Prejudice showing booing whenever Prejudice comes on screen.

0

2 months ago

booing, comedy, commentary, humor, literary, movie, prejudice, pride, Pride and Prejudice, satire, screen, social, social commentary, whenever
All the observable evidence suggests that, if I was much worse at my job, I’d be more likely to get a promotion to senior management.

0

2 months ago

evidence, humor, i, ID, irony, job, management, much, performance, promotion, senior, senior management, workplace, worse
90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying works.

0

4 months ago

90, happen, i, never, things, works, worry, worrying
Aging isn’t even 1% as scary as whatever is going on with the people trying not to.

0

5 months ago

1, aging, behavior, even, fear, going, humor, people, scary, social, social behavior, trying, whatever
My kid is turning out just like me. Well played, karma. Well-played.

0

2 months ago

humor, just, karma, kid, lesson, life, life lesson, me, parenting, played, resemblance, well, well played

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on Messenger this month:

Slapping the TV remote on your knee extends the battery life. It’s science.

34 shares on Discord this month:

I need something good to watch while I’m on my phone.

33 shares on LinkedIn this month:

There should be a special rating system for movies that tells you how uncomfortable you’ll be if you watch them with your parents.

33 shares on Snapchat this month:

Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

63 shares on YouTube this month:

For those who don’t want Alexa listening in on your conversations, they’re making a male version that doesn’t listen to anything.

42 shares on Twitch this month:

Silence is golden. But duct tape is silver.

98 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“You don’t load the dishwasher right,” I said to my wife just before it permanently became my job.

28 shares on X this month:

Not to brag, but I drove and found a place I was looking for without turning down my music today.

25 shares on Reddit this month:

It’s time for basic human empathy to make a comeback.

49 shares on Slack this month:

There’s something about Dracula I just don’t trust.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Ghosting is actually a sign of great respect in my culture.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

I think it’s sad that getting married is one of the only ways to guarantee somebody will be forced to make a speech about how great you are.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Apparently, “spite” is not an appropriate answer to “What motivates you?”

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Being a toddler’s favorite person is what real love actually looks like.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Every day when I get home, I thank my cats for allowing me to live in their house.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Facebook is extremely over-engineered for a birthday reminder app.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Why is the Formula 1 so afraid of rain? Just drive with more caution. That’s what I always do when it rains.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Everyone you don’t like in your personal and professional life is a narcissist.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Damaged inside, but outside we keep it gangsta.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

I worry a lot about the wild animals in my neighborhood, but I’m beginning to think they don’t worry about me.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

These quiet electric cars are really annoying. I have to stop scrolling and look up while walking outside now.

Live now on Messenger:

Sitting on the middle seat of this flight and both my seatmates are reading my book over my shoulder. Should I just start reading it aloud?

Live now on Snapchat:

I don’t know why “you made your bed now lie in it” is a bad thing. It sounds great! I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Life is what happens in between trips to the fridge.

Just landed via Pinterest:

My girlfriend? You wouldn’t know her, she’s in a different data center.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Computers used to scream out in pain when we connected to the internet. This was a warning and we did not heed it.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I like to stay grounded by keeping the weight of the world on my shoulders.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Obsessed with how Siri just doesn’t work at all, ever.

Just landed via Slack:

Me: I’m an introvert. Vodka: No, you’re not.

Live now on YouTube:

When I’m president, everyone who listens to techno, house or rap will be allowed to drive a little faster than others.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout, touchscreens, or money before.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Every room is a panic room if someone farts.

At the Pride and Prejudice showing booing whenever Prejudice comes on screen.

All the observable evidence suggests that, if I was much worse at my job, I’d be more likely to get a promotion to senior management.

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying works.

Aging isn’t even 1% as scary as whatever is going on with the people trying not to.

My kid is turning out just like me. Well played, karma. Well-played.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨