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Exercise gives you energy, but you need energy to exercise. Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.

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"Trying to break into the energy pyramid scheme: Step 1, invest in a nap. Step 2, repeat. ๐Ÿ’ค๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ˜†"



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According to the web, caffeine deficiency is a life threatening condition for people around you.

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I never learned to swim because I didnโ€™t think it would ever be more than an hour since I last ate.

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I’m only staying up until midnight on New Year’s to watch that bloody year die.

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If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

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Are you even a parent if youโ€™ve never carried your child out of a store sideways like a surfboard?

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My card got declined at the barbershop so they put all the hair in my mouth and squeezed me until it came out of my head.

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My nutritionist told me wine doesnโ€™t count as a fruit source so now I need to find a different nutritionist.

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Girlhood is sitting down in a boiling hot shower instead of dealing with life.

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Iโ€™m like โ€ฆ if parking too far away from the curb was a person.

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