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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

So tonight me and my phone are playing hide and seek. So far my phone is winning.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Call me a glitch, cause I’m definitely messing with your system.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Remember the good old days when you didn’t have to wonder if the person messaging you was a bot or not?

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Dear Apple, at no point will I ever text someone “he’ll yeah” ..

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

Girls are happier when their dress has pockets, it’s science.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

I don’t even get disappointed anymore. I’m just like, “Oh, again? Okay.”

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Money talks, but all mine ever says is goodbye.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Got an email from my bank saying “is your 401k enough to retire on” and it’s like you are my bank, you know it’s not.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

If you ever see me out in public, just know I don’t want to be there.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

I often choose gift bags instead of wrapping, not just out of laziness, but also because I have the fine motor skills of a drunken panda.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,292

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

My kids are asking for another dog that I can feed and walk.

Going viral on Twitch:

This family has a lot of nerve wearing all these clothes after I just did laundry.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Some people are storms dressed like sunsets. Beautiful from a distance. Dangerous up close.

Making waves on Instagram:

I get ignored so much, my name should be “terms and conditions”.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I’m really into writing short fiction, mainly to-do lists.

Going viral on TikTok:

Can’t think of a single time the MGM lion advanced the plot of the movie in any way. Just needless jump scare.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I’ve decided to handle this like a mature adult, I’m telling your mom.

Seen just now on X:

My signature move is waving at someone who is waving at the person behind me.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Establish dominance over your children by whining louder.

Just landed via Discord:

Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

Exercise gives you energy, but you need energy to exercise. Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Trying to break into the energy pyramid scheme: Step 1, invest in a nap. Step 2, repeat. 💤💪😆"

activity, energy, exercise, fun, fun activity, humor, me, motivation, need, pyramid, pyramid scheme, scheme, sounds

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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23 shares on Twitch this month:

A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

84 shares on Reddit this month:

I did some exercise in 2010, I should be good for another few years.

15 shares on Threads this month:

Just had a crazy revelation: you can eat in the airport after your flight, too.

100 shares on Threads this month:

“I’m giving my daughter a male name, ain’t nobody cracking an Abdul.”

100 shares on Facebook this month:

Like, who are those little paper umbrellas trying to protect?

54 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t always listen to Metallica, but when I do, so do my neighbors.

92 shares on YouTube this month:

The only guarantee in life is, if you run errands looking like shit, you will run into everyone you haven’t seen in months.

36 shares on Messenger this month:

The me who snips coupons needs to communicate better with the me who walks into the stores.

15 shares on YouTube this month:

Cats hear everything. They just don’t care.

30 shares on WhatsApp this month:

No, I am not refreshed from my long weekend. I was reminded that I am not meant to work, but I am trapped in The Machine.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

So I think the mammals have now ravaged this planet long enough. It’s time for the reptiles to take over again.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

I am not old. I am in the prime of my decay.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

They should invent a rom-com where no one has to overhear anything that leads to a huge unnecessary misunderstanding.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

The hardest part of corporate life is pretending to care about things that don’t matter.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

I hate it when I’m gossiping at work and a customer wants to be served. How rude is that?

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

I have a question and my question is, how can I look so cute in the mirror but like such a baked potato in pictures?

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Behind every funny man is a woman who rolls her eyes.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

It’s funny how quickly you become difficult if you don’t always just say “yes”.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

D was probably like “lmao ok” when they named the alphabet the ABCs

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

Expecting your first baby’s exciting, but have you ever ordered a new coffee machine?

Making waves on WhatsApp:

The sole purpose of your child’s middle name… is so they know when they’re really in trouble.

Just shared via Threads:

Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

Just shared via Pinterest:

Hey (with the intention of going to sleep).

Making waves on LinkedIn:

If you respond to emails and Teams messages quickly, you can get away with basically anything at work.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Don’t think my brain is braining properly today.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

So heartbreaking to do laundry and realize you can’t wash the clothes you’re literally wearing right now… you will never have a completely fresh start.

Just shared via Slack:

Why are these idiots only giving robots two arms?

Just landed via WeChat:

Arguing through text will have you standing in one spot for 40 mins.

Trending via Snapchat:

“Oh, I’d love to but I can’t.” Translation: I don’t want to so I won’t.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Exercise gives you energy, but you need energy to exercise. Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.

If you need me, I will be at the library sniffing old books.

I woke up from a deep sleep in a panic thinking I was late for work. Thankfully, I was already there.

It’s actually crazy we figured out how to grow real diamonds that are cheaper and better quality than the real thing, and so many people are still like, no thanks, the suffering is what makes it special.

I say “long story short” and then tell the story with bonus features.

Films and television have led me to believe that masquerade balls have a higher mortality rate than most wars.

Sometimes I don’t have anything intelligent to say and sometimes I don’t let that stop me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Exercise gives you energy, but you need energy to exercise. Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.

Keep the laugh going 😂

If you need me, I will be at the library sniffing old books.

I woke up from a deep sleep in a panic thinking I was late for work. Thankfully, I was already there.

It’s actually crazy we figured out how to grow real diamonds that are cheaper and better quality than the real thing, and so many people are still like, no thanks, the suffering is what makes it special.

I say “long story short” and then tell the story with bonus features.

Films and television have led me to believe that masquerade balls have a higher mortality rate than most wars.

Sometimes I don’t have anything intelligent to say and sometimes I don’t let that stop me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨