Someone from has downloaded:

Be useless, so nobody can use you.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Treat me like a joke and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.

Someone from has viewed:

Some hoodies don’t hoodie the way other hoodies hoodie.

Someone from has downloaded:

If I ever go missing, check the snack aisle. I’m probably just deciding.

Someone from has downloaded:

My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the driver gave us a knock this morning to make sure we were OK.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be using humor to hide pain.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Lucky for me, I don’t have enough friends for an intervention.

Someone from has downloaded:

Starting to think I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

Someone from has downloaded:

Lately life has been all panic no disco.

Someone from has downloaded:

90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.