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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

Hate when people ask “why is it called Silence of the Lambs?” Like, did you hear any lambs during the movie? Use your head!

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Yeah, bro, she’s probably just not using her phone right now, for the first time ever in her whole life.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Adding geologist to my resume after hitting rock bottom.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Italians, look away now. I break my spaghetti in half before I cook it.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

I can’t believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician. I was just sitting there doing nothing.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

The best weight you’ll ever lose is the weight of other people’s opinions.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

When people say something is cray-cray it makes me wanna vom-vom.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

The concept of warding off vampires with crosses is so interesting to me. I wonder if it applies to any other religion or if they’re allergic to just Catholicism.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

I have tasted employment, I have tasted joblessness and I recommend generational wealth guys.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Driving a newer car is like “Oh weird, this one doesn’t have Shake on Highway, maybe they stopped making that feature”.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

Just once I wanna slide down a dinosaur at the end of my workday, is that too much to ask for?

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I’m thinking of maybe killing off a few characters in the book I’m writing. That will really spice up my autobiography.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

The great thing about playing the trombone is no one knows if you’re good at it or not.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I’m starting to think the voice in my head doesn’t like me very much.

Just shared via Twitch:

Not opening up anymore, have fun trying to figure me out.

Trending via Facebook:

I was in a good mood until I realized not only was it not Friday it wasn’t even Thursday.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Having a girlfriend who doesn’t post herself on social media is an underrated blessing.

Spotted on YouTube:

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

Just landed via Reddit:

A vibrator is amazing but it doesn’t call me “good girl” unfortunately.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I’m putting free wifi on my gravestone, so people will come visit me.

Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.

3 weeks ago

Witty quote about balancing emotion and logic with playful advice.

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Commentary:
When your brain insists on being your heart's chaperone 😄🧠❤️

advice, balance, brain, caution, decision, decision making, follow, heart, humor, making, take, wisdom

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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70 shares on Telegram this month:

The husband, child, and dog are all snoring. WTF is this?

26 shares on Threads this month:

The prime minister is a minister that is not divisible by any other minister.

99 shares on Facebook this month:

Coffee, because I don’t have time for a manslaughter charge.

35 shares on Instagram this month:

When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

34 shares on YouTube this month:

Imagine falling in love with me then finding out I’m a slow walker.

58 shares on Slack this month:

What, and I cannot stress this enough, day is it.

25 shares on Slack this month:

Just remember, you don’t need a special reason to buy a cake.

21 shares on Slack this month:

Oh, sorry about bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to slam my head into the walls anymore.

61 shares on Threads this month:

At the age where a big break could mean either my career or a hip.

71 shares on Facebook this month:

Roses are red. Bumble bees buzz. This rhyme doesn’t rhyme. No, wait, yes it does.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Went jogging and came back after five minutes because I forgot something. Forgot I’m out of shape.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Fake laughing at work is exhausting as hell, just leave me alone, bro.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 years of housework in 30 minutes.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

My mom gave me a coffee mug that says “Be your own kind of beautiful” and I’m really trying not to read too much into that.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

My parents didn’t raise me to order something expensive when someone else is paying.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Lately life has been all panic no disco.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Human interaction is a great way to learn all the new swear words your subconscious mind has come up with in the lab.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

I’m not athletic, but I’m good at jumping to conclusions.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

I’m so sick of these little 30-minute weekends.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Shoutout to video games, man. I love having a reason to live.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

I suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes it look like you’re an angry serial killer.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Can I come over and overstay my welcome?

Trending via YouTube:

If I got possessed demonically, I wouldn’t even notice it. With everything else I’ve got going on.

Freshly posted on Discord:

“Gravy is not a beverage.” Okay, well that’s why I was trying to drink it in the bathroom, so you wouldn’t see me.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Movies in the 80s had me convinced that a main part of being a grown-up was staying late at the office and eating Chinese takeout.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Maybe this is the Windows software update that changes everything for me.

Just shared via Instagram:

I need someone to wring out my brain like a dishrag.

Just landed via Reddit:

A freshly cleaned bathroom triggers an irresistible urge in men to trim their beard.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Went for a run this morning. That bee was huge!

Going viral on TikTok:

People that never want to leave the house unite! Separately at our own homes.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.

I don’t know how to flirt, but you can watch me eat fresh fruit in my sundress.

I’ve broken all my New Year’s Resolutions so now I’m moving on to laws of nature.

According to the smoke alarm, the food is ready.

The closest I have ever come to bungee jumping was when I was born.

Police officer: please step out of your vehicle. Me: after this song, hold on.

I love beating a dead horse with the girls. There is nothing better than a Saturday night rehashing, and never letting that horse rest in peace.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I don’t know how to flirt, but you can watch me eat fresh fruit in my sundress.

I’ve broken all my New Year’s Resolutions so now I’m moving on to laws of nature.

According to the smoke alarm, the food is ready.

The closest I have ever come to bungee jumping was when I was born.

Police officer: please step out of your vehicle. Me: after this song, hold on.

I love beating a dead horse with the girls. There is nothing better than a Saturday night rehashing, and never letting that horse rest in peace.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨