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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

FOMO? No, I’ve got FOBI. Fear of being invited.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

Growing up means choosing cozy couch moments over crowded club scenes. Cheers to adulting!

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Someone needs to invent a theater seat that forcefully ejects you through the roof if you take your phone out during a movie.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Caught the bouquet at the funeral.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

My patience is like a gift card, not sure how much is left but lets give it a try.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

Me before grocery shopping: only healthy foods, no impulse buys, I can do this. Me during grocery shopping: they make chocolate filled marshmallows?

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Dear people, who drive without music playing, what do you do with your brain?

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, family size Toblerone.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

My husband refused to get glasses. But that was before he brushed his teeth with fake tan.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,323

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Reddit:

Just told my cat I’d give her 500 bucks to stop meowing.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

My red flag is that I don’t make playlists on Spotify. I just add every song I’ve ever liked to the ‘Liked Songs’ playlist and shuffle that, like an iPod.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

The longer I work in corporate, the more I realize… Micromanaging is just insecurity dressed up as leadership.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I’ve been closer to death than a stable relationship.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Wow, pretty rude for people to exist who are younger and hotter than me, but OK.

Going bananas on WeChat:

They should have a section on the wing of the plane where people can go out for a cigarette.

Going viral on Snapchat:

My extravagant lifestyle of paying for housing and buying groceries is really getting in the way of my ability to save money.

Going bananas on Messenger:

What did people do before eyeglasses, like half the world just walked around not being able to see?

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I like it when someone feeds me their food without me asking. I feel like a part of my inner child heals.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

For a guy supposedly called my “brother,” I’ve never seen him make broth even once.

1 day ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote highlighting sibling humor and kitchen banter in a playful tone.

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Commentary:
Not a single broth brewed… should we file for a name change? 🥣❌🔄😄

broth, brother, called, cooking, even, family, guy, humor, never, once, pun, seen, wordplay

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Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Slack this month:

Do people who do triathlons know that they don’t have to?

40 shares on YouTube this month:

The worst part of my grandfather’s dementia was slowly watching him forget about Dre.

62 shares on Reddit this month:

It’s not magic, but I bet you are reading this post with one leg on top of the other.

41 shares on Discord this month:

White Lotus is a cautionary tale about taking time off from work.

69 shares on Telegram this month:

Whoever is writing my Rom-Com, can you maybe, I don’t know, START IT?

88 shares on Instagram this month:

There’s protein in foods that have never been protein before.

82 shares on X this month:

Not only is it not Friday, it’s not even Thursday.

88 shares on Reddit this month:

I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.

34 shares on Pinterest this month:

What’s it called when you mentally want to be horny but you’re physically not at all?

22 shares on Threads this month:

Be the funny, awkward silence breaker you want to see in the world.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

I love how one day my body just decided “You know what you really need is some ear hair.”

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

When people don’t drink coffee, it’s like, okay, but how do you solve the problem of being awake?

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

The answer is a cabin in the woods, by the way.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Why would I go to my high school reunion? I didn’t want to be there the first time.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

The people who are $30 trillion in debt are giving you a credit score.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

This whole week could have been an email.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

I read classics because my FOMO is making me want to understand every reference ever.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Commenting “AI slop” under pictures of my friends’ kids opening presents.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Current relationship status: sleeping diagonally across the bed.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I already want to take a nap tomorrow.

Making waves on Threads:

I tiptoe near my medicine cabinet because I don’t want to wake my sleeping pills.

Spotted on Telegram:

During childbirth, women are in so much pain that it is almost possible for them to feel what men have to endure when they have a cold.

Just landed via Slack:

Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, and if that doesn’t accurately describe my life, I don’t know what does.

Seen just now on Threads:

You don’t know your own leg strength until you’re kicking the end of a hotel tucked bed sheet.

Shared recently on Threads:

I will not hesitate to use dark magic on you.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I caught your husband cheating on you at an Alanis concert, and thought you, you, you oughta know.

Spreading quickly via X:

A police lineup, but you have to recognize your dad’s sneeze.

Breaking via WeChat:

My future husband is probably enjoying a nice summer with his first wife… but the seeds of discontent are there.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I suffer from awesomnia.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

For a guy supposedly called my “brother,” I’ve never seen him make broth even once.

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times. You know, just to be sure.

I’m always happy when I come home from shopping and the note on the table reminds me of what I wanted to buy.

I’m planning to save money on Christmas gifts this year by wrapping up all the toys my toddler dropped behind the couch.

So annoying that in order to meet new people you need to go out and meet new people. Ideally, I would have known you in a past life.

When I eat rotisserie chicken, I like to pretend that I’m performing an autopsy.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

For a guy supposedly called my “brother,” I’ve never seen him make broth even once.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times. You know, just to be sure.

I’m always happy when I come home from shopping and the note on the table reminds me of what I wanted to buy.

I’m planning to save money on Christmas gifts this year by wrapping up all the toys my toddler dropped behind the couch.

So annoying that in order to meet new people you need to go out and meet new people. Ideally, I would have known you in a past life.

I hate when an old man tries to friend me on Facebook and then I realize we went to high school together.

When I eat rotisserie chicken, I like to pretend that I’m performing an autopsy.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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