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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

At the strip club sighing until one of the dancers asks me what’s wrong.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Turns out “V for Vendetta” is not an educational movie and it won’t teach your kids the alphabet.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Anyone who thinks office jobs are harmless has never cut their finger on paper.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

I can’t stand when people need constant validation online. Like, comment, and share if you agree.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

If women came with instructions, men wouldn’t read them anyway.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

If alcohol damages your short-term memory, imagine what alcohol can do.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Saw an article on “100 things to do before you die.” Was surprised Call 911 didn’t make the list.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

I predict the next world war will be artificial intelligence versus genuine stupidity.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Hotel elevators are hell for those of us who are small-talk failures. The guy asked me, “You just get in today too?” and I said, “Well, no,” then stood in silence.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Posing for photos has to be the most basic thing I’m actually terrible at.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,618

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

The fake cough I use when calling in sick is now available on iTunes.

Spotted on TikTok:

Remember when you were a kid, you slept on the couch and without saying anything you found yourself in your bed. Now you sleep in your bed and if you say anything, you end up on the couch.

Just landed via Slack:

I hear the responses my young siblings give my mom, and I’m speechless; they don’t know the commando she was in her prime.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list that I was making, and now, I can’t read anything.

Breaking via Messenger:

It’s not getting better or worse, but rather a third mysterious thing.

Just shared via Telegram:

I want time to sit and read, take a nap and snack. Basically, I want to be in Kindergarten.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Sure the Lego botanical sets are great but dusting them is another story.

Breaking via Snapchat:

I assume my soulmate has sold his soul to the devil.

Just landed via TikTok:

Apparently, staying to yourself and not bothering people bothers people.

Making waves on YouTube:

He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.

For all those wondering, yes, I am retired. I was tired yesterday, and I am tired again today.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Officially embracing the fine art of being "re-tired" daily! 😴🔄🎉

again, am, exhaustion, humor, i, retired, retirement, tired, today, wondering, yes, yesterday

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Give us this day our daily internet validation.

0

2 months ago

daily, day, give, humor, internet, life, media, modern, modern life, prayer, social, social media, us, validation
You should be able to call out of work if your partner is so cozy and warm in the morning.

0

2 months ago

able, call, comfort, cozy, morning, partner, should, warm, work
Whoever is writing my Rom-Com, can you maybe, I don’t know, START IT?

0

2 months ago

comedy, date, humor, i, know, maybe, relationship, rom-com, script, start, writing
Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a cardiac surgeon in the middle of heart surgery.

0

2 months ago

anyone, ChatGPT, else, heart, heart surgery, humor, issue, medical, medical humor, middle, online, online outage, outage, surgeon, surgery, technical, technical issue, technology, technology humor
If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?

0

2 months ago

communication, forest, gender, gender roles, hear, humor, joke, man, marriage, perception, relationship, roles, still, wife, wrong
Thursday is really unnecessary. Today could’ve been Friday.

0

2 months ago

day, Friday, humor, procrastination, Thursday, time, today, unnecessary, week

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on Snapchat this month:

The introvert urge to leave a social event without saying goodbye to anyone.

11 shares on Discord this month:

Not sure who needs to hear this, but make your bloody bed.

43 shares on WeChat this month:

You can tell a lot about someone based on which Spice Girl they were most attracted to.

11 shares on Reddit this month:

I forgot to take my meds so I’m looking forward to joining the squirrels in the tree to talk politics.

35 shares on Twitch this month:

Lord, please take this gas out of my stomach and put it in my car.

91 shares on Messenger this month:

If I was an outlaw in the Wild West, my face would be on unwanted posters.

70 shares on Snapchat this month:

Nobody says, ‘Bless you,’ when you fart.

91 shares on Messenger this month:

Nothing gets my heart pumping like receiving an annoying newsletter.

16 shares on Telegram this month:

Pretty sure I need to go back to bed and sleep for 3 days.

87 shares on Twitch this month:

Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today’s tasks.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

My transformation into a bitter, angry old woman is almost complete.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Wi-Fi: Your internet connection is unstable. Me: You should see my life.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

You have been a very bad boy. Now go to my room!

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Y’all ever postpone an outfit? Like, nah, let me save this for a better day? Same.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? Here, but fatter.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

I withdraw my argument. I didn’t realize you had a meme to back you up.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Think I’ll get high enough to find out if there’s a God. Stay tuned.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

Fun prank: make people study for 16 years, and then don’t give them jobs.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

My fitness goal is to lose two straight jacket sizes.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Newborns cry because they’re being evicted.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I have this rare skin disease called perfect.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Ginger ale is the champagne of soda.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

How coked up was the guy that came up with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Gonna vibe recklessly and call it “character development”

Making waves on YouTube:

Forget about “long story short”… I’m gonna start saying “short story long,” and take you on a journey you didn’t ask for.

Trending via Discord:

It’s fun getting room service. I just love eating a $19 hamburger at a desk in front of a mirror.

Making waves on Twitch:

Everyone focused on the lip filler, but it’s really the chin filler that is the real villain.

Just landed via TikTok:

Those security guards at the Samsung store are Guardians of the Galaxy.

Spotted on X:

One of the best examples of someone posing a question that they already know the answer to is the WeightWatchers website asking me if I accept cookies.

Shared recently on Threads:

The worst thing about having children is the parents of the other children.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

For all those wondering, yes, I am retired. I was tired yesterday, and I am tired again today.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Give us this day our daily internet validation.

You should be able to call out of work if your partner is so cozy and warm in the morning.

Whoever is writing my Rom-Com, can you maybe, I don’t know, START IT?

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a cardiac surgeon in the middle of heart surgery.

If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?

Thursday is really unnecessary. Today could’ve been Friday.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨