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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Please don’t be mean to me, because I can be meaner and I hate being mean.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

January 1st always feels like a Sunday, regardless of what day it’s actually on.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Before cell phones, if you were bored in public, you had to flip a nickel in the air over and over.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

I find pleasure in closing tabs in my wife’s brain. This worry… done. That task… complete.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Missed garbage day today, if you’re looking for a bad boy that doesn’t play by the rules.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

If I had my Pinterest wardrobe, I would be unstoppable.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

When I was a kid, I thought cicadas were the sound sunshine makes when it’s real hot outside.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

My house was clean yesterday. Sorry, you missed it.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

“I’m disgusted by how many of you still use Spotify. I use a fair trade, ethically conscientious mom-and-pop platform called Apple Music.”

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,304

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Twitch:

When I tell a joke that doesn’t land, I follow up with a worse one to make my audience realize how good they had it with the first joke.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I just went to Crazy Town, and they said you’re a local legend.

Trending via TikTok:

We have now entered the void (25th December to 31st December).

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Crossing my fingers one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

When I say “I’m open to feedback” I mean “I accept compliments.”

Seen just now on Discord:

I have more trips planned than I have money.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I’m uncomfortable around tall people. What if they pick me up and put me on their shoulders?

Spotted on WhatsApp:

This too shall pass, but what the hell?

Shared recently on Facebook:

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the best thirst trap poster of them all?

Going viral on Messenger:

When someone sits in the empty seat beside you: flattered yet annoyed. When no one sits in the empty seat beside you: offended yet relieved.

For someone who loves to sleep so much, you’d think I’d go to bed earlier.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Funny quote about loving sleep and procrastination, playful and witty in tone.

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Commentary:
"Living that night owl life, dreaming of sleeping in earlier! 🌜🛌😴"

bed, bedtime, earlier, humor, humor quote, ID, irony, laziness, much, night, night owl, owl, procrastination, sleep, someone, think

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11 shares on Slack this month:

Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later.

37 shares on Discord this month:

Planking is the only time we appreciate time.

15 shares on Snapchat this month:

I fall in love with a song and play it until I absolutely don’t wanna hear it no more.

10 shares on WeChat this month:

If you feel depressed, go for a run. You will soon find out your physical health is far worse than your mental health.

97 shares on Instagram this month:

Lazy Rule: Can’t reach it, don’t need it.

26 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t know when people started calling hot dogs ‘glizzys,’ but I hate it, and you all need to stop immediately.

24 shares on Telegram this month:

“You don’t look 40.” How am I supposed to look?

10 shares on Messenger this month:

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked. I’m a family of 8.

17 shares on LinkedIn this month:

What pushes you to watch 19 seasons of people in a hospital?

50 shares on Reddit this month:

Don’t give up, we must remain silly.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a retard.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

You are closer to the street than you will ever be to any billionaire.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Don’t ruin a good sundress by wearing panties.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

If you’re feeling lonely, start a small business. Then you’ll have a little company.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

People don’t catch bullets with their teeth anymore, get out there and practice.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Whoever named them fitting rooms has a lot of nerve.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Some days you just feel like a hotel microwave. You’re here, but you don’t have enough power to actually do anything.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

My savings account has been empty for so long that a Spirit Halloween just opened up inside it.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

The worst person you know is in therapy right now, being told they need to put themselves first.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Walking that line between “The internet is great” and “The internet is a mistake” daily.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

The Recipe for Disaster in me, recognizes the Appetite for Destruction in you.

Going viral on Slack:

I think I’m closer to retirement than to a relationship.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I love Pinterest. No opinions. No bad vibes. Just pretty pictures.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Anyone else get excited about going to bed because you know there’ll be coffee in the morning, or is that just me?

Spotted on Slack:

Some people have goals based on a summer body. Mine revolve entirely around the weight limit of my beach chairs.

Just landed via Slack:

Nothing rattles me like the difference between rows and columns, man. I hate it so much.

Trending via Discord:

That awkward moment, when all eyes are on the bride, but your son is the groom.

Trending via Telegram:

Needing to stretch is so funny. Your body is like “Ughhh, make me longer!”

Breaking via TikTok:

Girl, whatever you’re going through right now, as long as you’re not pregnant, you’re gonna be fine.

Just landed via YouTube:

I feel like we’re on like the 50th or 60th horseman of the apocalypse by now.

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Activity Log ✨

For someone who loves to sleep so much, you’d think I’d go to bed earlier.

If we all club together we could raise enough money to buy Monday and have it destroyed.

Caught my husband staring at me again. He’s probably weighing his pros and cons.

I have feelings for you but you have to guess which ones.

Took a good look at my finances. I won’t make that mistake again.

Everyone’s gangsta till you’re waiting on your dog to poop.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

For someone who loves to sleep so much, you’d think I’d go to bed earlier.

Keep the laugh going 😂

If we all club together we could raise enough money to buy Monday and have it destroyed.

Blocking him isn’t enough. I need to watch his hairline recede.

Caught my husband staring at me again. He’s probably weighing his pros and cons.

I have feelings for you but you have to guess which ones.

Took a good look at my finances. I won’t make that mistake again.

Everyone’s gangsta till you’re waiting on your dog to poop.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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