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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Grammar is important. It’s the difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you’re nuts.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Will someone please make me drink some water and limit my screen time?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Intermittent fasting is how I drive, not how I eat.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

It is not without reason that all telescopes searching for intelligent life are pointed away from Earth.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

When life closes a door, just open it again. It’s a door, that’s how they work.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

I don’t weigh myself because most scales don’t know how heavy all the grudges I’m holding onto are.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

I tiptoe near my medicine cabinet because I don’t want to wake my sleeping pills.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Even in my early 20’s, I was diagnosed with late stage 40’s.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

Alexa, turn off the planet.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Getting excited to go to bed is a different level of adulting.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

799 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,961

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,961

Updated

10 minutes ago

Users Online

3,423

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The worst thing you can do when cleaning your house is “sit down for a minute.”

Shared recently on Facebook:

Anytime someone throws a Great Gatsby themed party, I have to assume they never finished the book.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit.

Seen just now on Slack:

Remember, when asking for a raise, it is considered customary to be sober.

Trending via Pinterest:

I don’t get mad anymore. I’m just like “again?” Ok then.

Live now on X:

I’m not athletic, but I’m good at jumping to conclusions.

Trending via Discord:

You can’t spell crypto without “cry”.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

A big shout-out to all the beekeepers. Our unstung heroes.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Sorry I’m late, I got here as soon as I wanted to.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

799 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,961

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,961

Updated

10 minutes ago

Users Online

3,432

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

Can’t, I’m pulling it together.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Drinking at home is convenient, sure, but it’s nothing like the experience of leaving the pub feeling fifty bucks lighter.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Being annoying is the most beautiful thing a woman could be.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

I’m one of those lucky people that can eat whatever they want and not put on any clothes.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Proudly doing my part to cause the male loneliness epidemic.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

“You look tired”. No, I’m just ugly.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

I would cry but my makeup is too expensive.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

Is it fall yet? I really can’t suck my stomach in much longer.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Threads:

If you have a Roomba, but don’t dress it up in little outfits, then what are you even doing?

Trending via WhatsApp:

That fight could’ve been an email.

Live now on TikTok:

The absolute injustice of being asked to come and take away the boxes of junk that you’ve been storing at your parents’ house for 20 years.

Just landed via Telegram:

Once you turn 25 years and above, there is no need to set an alarm. Your problems will wake you up by force.

Just landed via Instagram:

“Your password is too weak.” Just wait until you see my will to live.

Making waves on Twitch:

I could have been the favorite mistress of the Sun King at Versailles, but nooooooooo I had to be born into late stage capitalism.

Live now on Messenger:

Harmonicas are basically for people who like to hear music while they spit.

Seen just now on Threads:

I commented to a friend that I didn’t know how goofy Scream was. It turns out I have never seen Scream. I saw Scary Movie.

Trending via Snapchat:

Some days you feel like you’re surrounded by idiots, other days you realize it’s not just some days.

Making waves on Telegram:

I sign all anniversary cards with ‘Way to commit to the bit!’

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