Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Your girlfriend needs two hours to get ready. But if you don’t have your shoes on when she’s ready, you’re the problem.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

You can always tell when someone is on a diet by how they scrape every last bit from that yogurt container.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

I think the worst part about the collapse of civilization will be all those people with no way to remove their braces.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

FaceTiming me is for platinum members only.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I do not read.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Me waking up: wow, I can’t wait to go to sleep tonight.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

“I read 20 books this year!” That’s nothing. I read 50,000 tweets.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

People believe that they have brains but maybe that’s just inside their heads.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

My kids are asking for another dog that I can feed and walk.