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4 weeks ago
Share →: Got the zoomies at work, and now HR is chasing me around with a butterfly net.

Commentary:
"Guess it's time to update the resume to include 'Professional Office Gymnast' 😂🏃‍♂️🦋 #ZoomiesUnleashed"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Can someone call my keys? I forgot where I put them.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

I made all my money in the 80s selling Rubik’s Hammers. They were for those cubes that thought they were smarter than you.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make one wool sweater. I didn’t even know they knew how to knit.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Watermelon. The fruit that comes with a workout.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Drinking a couple of beers and then getting onto Red Dead Redemption, and just petting my horse and feeding it apples.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

I like it when it’s raining, because I can hold my umbrella really low and it makes everyone headless.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

I’m 45% coffee, 40% wine and 6% cheese.

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Ratatouille is hilarious because the villain wasn’t even evil; he just didn’t want food cooked by rats?!?

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Jehovah’s Witnesses tell the worst knock knock jokes.

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Broadcasted on Discord:

Nobody at this train station knows that there’s a hole in my sock.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

4 sneezes in a row is clout chasing. Wrap it up!

Just landed via Messenger:

I never wanted to become one of those adults who just find the music of the younger generation annoying. Nobody could have guessed that the music was just annoying.

Just shared via WeChat:

The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes, only to turn around and, to your horror, the pot.

Trending via Threads:

You ever spend the day with a skinny person and are like “ohhhh, that’s why you’re skinny”.

Reported on Instagram:

If sex was strictly meant for procreation, why did God make it feel so good?

Breaking via Reddit:

I wish I was as tired in bed at night as I am after lunch at work.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Painted a big H in my garden to see if I can trap a helicopter. Wish me luck!

Reported on Facebook:

I unload the dishwasher backwards… just to feel something.

Spotted on Discord:

My kid asked me if I’ve ever experienced hallucinations, which is an odd thing to ask considering I don’t have any kids.

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New funny butterfly net quotes 👇

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

The gap in my resume is because I was trying to reach enlightenment for 5 years.

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to run my brain through the dishwasher.

I can sing all the words to the intro song of DuckTales, what’s your flex?

Every year I realize how dumb I was a year ago.

Thanks to AI, some of us went from being told by our parents not to trust the internet to having to tell our parents not to trust the internet.

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I like running because it’s cheaper than paying for a gym membership. If the gym wants the money I owe them, they’ll have to catch me.

Soft launching your call out the next day by telling everyone at work your stomach feels a little weird.

Most women need a little reassurance. Like when she says “oh, you want to see crazy?” Reassure her that you do not.

You should get a pension for having to go to school for so many years.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

The reason I stay up late is because I don’t want my free time to end and tomorrow to start.

I’m glad nobody can see the face I make when I’ve just started the washing machine and then spot a sock on the floor.

If an ice cream truck has its music on, are you supposed to pull over and let it pass like an ambulance?

My love language is caffeine and being left alone until I’m kind again.

Someone told me I wasn’t thinking clearly, as if that’s even an option.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

My morning routine includes 10 minutes of sitting on my bed and thinking about how tired I am.

Silence is golden. But duct tape is silver.

Hundreds, nay, thousands of movies about falling in love but only one movie about a beach that makes you old.

Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

Wait. We’re now turning plants into burgers? Haven’t cows been doing that like, forever.

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