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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

I had bad luck with women twice. The first left me, the second stayed.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Without freedom of speech we wouldn’t know who the idiots are.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

I was going to buy my wife a car for Christmas but then I remembered I don’t live in a commercial.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Going to ask seven friends for advice and then execute my original plan.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

By 30, you should have settled down with an addiction that works for your lifestyle, no second guessing. You go to work, come home, and [addiction].

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Establish dominance over your cat by suddenly bolting out of the room for no reason.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Getting old would be so fun if you didn’t wake up each morning with neck pain that suggests you slept hanging upside down like a bat.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

The day I start waking up early it’s over for you all.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Someone needs to invent a kid that listens the first time.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Old people be like “no elbows on the table, it’s rude” then say something racist.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2144 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,306

Funny Quotes Topics

15,034

Funny Quotes Images

12,306

Updated

4 minutes ago

Users Online

3,428

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

I already know how it will end. One of my children will unplug my life support to charge their phone.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Good morning, may your coffee be strong and your boss not weird today.

Just shared via Telegram:

Jesus rose from the grave because he forgot to clear his browser history.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

“Easy like Sunday morning” is something people with no kids say.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

During arguments with idiots, I wish I could throw a flash bang and disappear.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

“You’re under the weather?” We all are, idiot. It’s in the sky.

Spotted on Twitch:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just sitting there in the corner, in the spotlight, losing my religion.

Trending via Telegram:

“Is everything okay?” Bro, nothing has been since I turned 12.

Trending via Reddit:

‘I have a ripe avocado at home’ is my favorite excuse for cancelling plans.

Spotted on Slack:

Why is there so much day left at the end of my energy?

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2144 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,306

Funny Quotes Topics

15,034

Funny Quotes Images

12,306

Updated

4 minutes ago

Users Online

3,443

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Every Jurassic Park movie should end with an insurance adjuster getting a phone call and immediately throwing up.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Insomniacs who are not afraid of the dark have nighty-night problems but the pitch ain’t one.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

To the tune of ‘Everybody Dance Now’: Himalayan Sea Salt

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Adulthood is really discovering half your family is mentally ill.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Reoccurring dreams be like: ‘I dunno, here’s a rerun’

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

If I ever experience an earthquake, my first thought will probably be it’s Godzilla.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

I just can’t watch football, there’s too much “penetration in the backfield” for me to not giggle like an immature maniac.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Call your family now and ask them what the wifi password is, so they have time to find the little paper it’s written on before Thanksgiving.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Always be kind. You never know who might own a hot tub.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

I love coming home and being at home and sitting inside my home and staying home.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Just once I’d like my dog to give me a treat.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Cashews are my favorite because they’re salty and hunched over just like me.

Just landed via Reddit:

I should go to jail so I can focus on the gym.

Going viral on X:

No, it’s totally fine, Grandma. Nobody else needs to use the stairs today.

Seen just now on Messenger:

May the Force be with you… especially in Monday meetings.

Shared recently on Discord:

You know those lines you see painted on parking lots? I know this will come as a shock to some of you, but you’re supposed to park between them.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Saw a guy reading a book and writing notes in it. Not enough words in there for ya, bud?

Just shared via Messenger:

Hate when I get halfway there and have to go back for my teeth.

Just shared via Twitch:

Guys only want one thing and it’s my grandmother’s meatball recipe.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

It’s called the Summer Olympics so one of the events should be running in flip flops to catch the ice cream man.

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