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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldn’t divorce you. I’m pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

You will watch an old classic movie that kind of sucks. Then, on the IMDb trivia, it says, this was the first time a film director ever pointed the camera at the sun.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Running from your problems is cardio.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

In a room full of art, I’d still stare at you.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

I’m not sure what everyone at my coworking space does for work, but I’m pretty sure one guy’s job is chewing.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Girls with long hair will literally leave little traces of themselves wherever they go, like feathers falling from an angel’s wings.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

What’s a girl gotta do to feel a dopamine high around here?

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

In your 20s, there will be a cat, and it is very important to get that cat and spend so much money on it.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Liquor on the top shelf is so expensive because the bartender has to stand on their tippy toes to reach it.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Somebody just told me I was living the dream, I can assure you I have never dreamt of this shit right here.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,693

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Twitch:

God, I wish I had enough money to discover it doesn’t make me happy.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Home is where the clothes rack stands in the way.

Making waves on Instagram:

I really hope that I look like the mirror version of me, and not the camera version.

Just landed via X:

Odd people reviewing a dessert: It’s not too sweet which is what I like.

Breaking via Slack:

Hear me out. A waiting room where the doctors wait.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I did vote once but only because I thought the line was to a buffet.

Just shared via Messenger:

I don’t question my wife’s choices because I’m one of them.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Lost my job to AI (my job was to be loudly and confidently incorrect).

Trending via Instagram:

I’m not talking to my husband and I don’t think he even knows it.

Trending via Discord:

I wish there was a nicer way to say “my natural tendency to spot patterns is making me feel very uncomfortable about you”.

Funny daily mess quotes

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Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on WeChat this month:

People who often talk to themselves are more intelligent than others. At least that’s what I tell myself.

64 shares on Slack this month:

You’re telling me this moron’s on oxy.

81 shares on WeChat this month:

Hello, I’m looking for the people who said “I’ll always be there for you”. Has anyone seen them?

46 shares on Threads this month:

I probably think this song is about me.

44 shares on Instagram this month:

I really want to be nice, but annoying people just won’t let me.

13 shares on Threads this month:

It must be hard having an erectile dysfunction.

75 shares on WeChat this month:

Having to choose between an old guy or a convicted felon is a perfect depiction of what dating apps are Iike.

71 shares on Twitch this month:

Relationship status: you’d think something called a Roomba would be a better dancer.

100 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If anyone has any experience with anything or knows anything about something, please let me know.

79 shares on Reddit this month:

Notice how ghosts never wear fitted sheets?

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I know my limits. I don’t always obey them, but I know them.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Kinda messed up that the government knows my birthday but never sends me a gift or anything.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Therapists probably have to struggle so hard not to ask to see pictures of the people their clients are obsessing over.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

British people be like “It’s Chewsday, innit?”

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Amazon’s checkout needs a breathalyzer feature which cancels your order if you’ve been clearly drunk-shopping.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

“I thought it might be nice to go round the room and say a bit about ourselves.” Oh dear, you thought wrong.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Love to come home after a long day’s work and relax with one thousand short-form videos.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m basically the human version of finding $20 in old jeans.”

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Friday the 13th used to mean something. Now every day is awful.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I love that cats slap the shit out of everything they can’t understand.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,347

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

My playlist is so random, I be heartbroken, thugged out, and yeehaw all at the same time.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

I don’t understand why bugs come inside when they have a whole outside to themselves.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

My problem is I buy outfits I don’t have shoes for and shoes I don’t have outfits for.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

I love when I clean my whole apartment just to sit in it like a Victorian widow waiting for bad news.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

People who wear jeans for fun around their house have bodies buried in their backyard.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Every house has a smell that only the people living in it don’t smell.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

The plant app says that I either watered my plant too much or not enough. Very helpful. Thanks!

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

I miss when The Weeknd made haunted strip club music. Didn’t know how good I had it.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Monsters can’t hide under my bed. That’s where my cats have their fight club.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

They should let me go inside everyones house just to see.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I’m “I can’t sit like that for too long” years old.

Just landed via TikTok:

If an alien is 60 million light years away and is watching us through a telescope, it will see dinosaurs.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Bro, you’re fine. You just need an impossible sequence of events to play out in perfect order against all odds and you’ll be fine.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here hating myself.

Seen just now on Discord:

12 people have been to the moon and only 8 people have won Takeshi’s Castle. Really makes you think.

Going viral on Twitch:

You will give your period 50 acres of prime pad, and it will still choose to encroach on your underwear.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

Just shared via Reddit:

I literally just went through something, and now I’m going through something else. What’s next?

Shared recently on Pinterest:

My attempts to purge my possessions always seem to result in me rediscovering that I have lots of nice things, after which I lie happily on my hoard like a dragon.

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