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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

I wrote a book. It’s a murder mystery. You’re in it but only for the first couple of chapters.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

I miss when bills had nothing to do with me.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Films and television have led me to believe that masquerade balls have a higher mortality rate than most wars.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

The fewer friends at your birthday party means more cake for you. Follow me for more life hacks.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Twitter actually is my diary, so you’re not allowed to get mad at the things I post. You’re not even supposed to be reading this. Why were you going through my stuff?

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

My cat and I talked it over and no we don’t think that I’m crazy.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

Everything will kill you so pick something fun.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your fifties. Saturday Night Fever now means lots of rest, cold medicine, and chicken noodle soup.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

By accepting their pardons, the turkeys are admitting guilt.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

No one tells you that the older you get, the more often you check your weather app.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

810 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,972

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,972

Updated

19 minutes ago

Users Online

3,434

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

My brain is on airplane mode today.

Going viral on Reddit:

Congratulations to the people who never took their Christmas decorations down. You’re almost there.

Just landed via TikTok:

That awkward moment your mom is doing the dishes and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

The thing about sleep is that I’d like to get some of it.

Spotted on Twitch:

My new pajamas have no pockets. I don’t want to hear your problems.

Spotted on X:

Microdosing bungee jumping by bending over to pick up a hair tie.

Breaking via Reddit:

I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.

Spotted on Reddit:

Sometimes I need a break from myself but it’s like, ugh, everywhere I go there I am.

Just landed via Reddit:

I’m no expert, but I don’t think the United Kingdom is very united.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Bold of you to assume I have the energy to even climb a hill to die on.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

810 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,972

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,972

Updated

19 minutes ago

Users Online

3,435

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

As a sales clerk, you want to shout after some people as they leave the store: “Are you sure you’ve really REALLY touched everything?”

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Imagine being a bald vampire and every time you walk by a mirror your toupée is just floating.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

In my 20’s: might hit the club tonight. In my 40’s: might go to the grocery store to listen to some bangers.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Downloading the Titanic soundtrack. It’s syncing right now.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

“I saw your ex!” A very unnecessary piece of information.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

Perhaps an evening in the meditation cage will soothe you.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Confucius says: “Those who drink a lot die earlier, but have seen twice as much in life.”

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Dear unsuccessful applicant, we ultimately decided to split the role between existing staff without paying any of them extra.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

My friends have canceled our dinner plans two nights in a row. I’m starting to think they don’t like dinner.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Slack:

Do you ever think about how many people squeezed the avocado that you’re eating?

Just landed via Snapchat:

Roses are red. I’m going to bed.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Maybe the clouds, trees, and flowers love looking at you too.

Going viral on Snapchat:

The global energy crisis could be solved if only we could harness the power of my wife slamming my car door.

Making waves on Messenger:

If it was really a smart phone, it would have recognize that it was an ignored call, not missed.

Just shared via TikTok:

Don’t forget to brush your teeth, comb your hair, cleanse your face, and share my posts.

Just shared via WeChat:

Most earthquakes could have been an email.

Making waves on Discord:

Interviewer: Can I get you anything? Me: Yeah, a job!

Just shared via Slack:

Contrary to what we currently believe, we don’t choose afternoon naps. Afternoon naps choose us.

Live now on Snapchat:

Just washed my windows and not a single bloke came out and said ‘You can do mine next!’ This used to be a real country.

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