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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

It doesn’t matter how bizarre your situation is. Somebody on Reddit already been there, done that.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Don’t argue with her. Just say “you remind me of my ex” then walk away.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Forget my browser history, when I finally pass from this earth, please delete my calculator history because it’s way more embarrassing.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Hiking in your 40s is a great way to meet new people. Today I met two paramedics, three nurses, a cardiologist, and nearly met Jesus.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Men be like, yes, I hurt you, but now you hate me, so I am the true victim.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

Back in my day, we had to walk to the TV to change the channel. Uphill, both ways!

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

I forgot to turn my clocks back and, oh my God, you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

I can’t wait to hit my 80s & run for Congress.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Reoccurring dreams be like: ‘I dunno, here’s a rerun’

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,513

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

Buying a new phone isn’t even satisfying anymore. It’s literally just your old phone with a haircut.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I told my computer I needed a break, now it sends me reminders to stretch while I’m lying on the couch.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Salary week, but salary weak.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

If someone asks why you’re so pale, simply reply, completely shocked, “You can see me?”

Spotted on Twitch:

I think some outfits just aren’t meant to be worn unless you’re getting straight into a car.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Nobody plays better together than siblings being told it’s bedtime.

Seen just now on Messenger:

My boss told me to show initiative, so I decided to finish work early.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Rom-com idea: Gozilla +1. Godzilla gets invited to a wedding but struggles to convince anyone to go with him.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I don’t always push on pull doors but when I do, I do it two or three times to confirm how dumb I really am.

Trending via Instagram:

I have no use for mean people. I’ll walk right past you like you’re furniture.

Funny diss track quotes

New funny diss track quotes 👇

I wish other jobs let us solve issues by releasing diss tracks. Got some sick rhymes about Debbie from accounting and her poorly structured invoicing.

2 days ago

accounting, complaint, diss, diss track, got, humor, i, invoicing, issue, issues, job, jobs, let, music, poorly, rhyme, sick, solve, track, us, wish, workplace
I love diss tracks because it’s basically two dudes going, “grr, we hate each other so much we’re going to take turns writing increasingly personalized poetry!”

2 weeks ago

competition, creativity, diss, diss track, expression, going, hate, humor, i, love, much, music, personalization, poetry, rivalry, take, track, writing

All funny diss track quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on Twitch this month:

Being a writer means knowing exactly how your story ends, and having absolutely no idea how to get there.

70 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m not lazy, I’m just highly selective about what I suffer for.

42 shares on Pinterest this month:

I hate that I’m so indecisive. Actually, I don’t know if hate is the right word.

75 shares on Snapchat this month:

Accidentally said I was on a diet instead of in a calorie deficit, and now everyone knows I’m from the 1900s.

64 shares on Snapchat this month:

Three words no parent ever wants to hear when dropping their kid at a play date: “Come on in.”

14 shares on WeChat this month:

Saw a big spider crawl into my closet last night. He’s probably in there trying on all my clothes, acting like he’s me.

27 shares on Threads this month:

Petition to make weekends longer. Two days isn’t enough.

17 shares on Discord this month:

I’m not accepting the bare minimum; I need you to shake it to the max.

41 shares on YouTube this month:

20’s: what even is a hangover? 40’s: puts on sunglasses to open fridge…

44 shares on Messenger this month:

Some people should have read-only access to the internet.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Just saying “Think about it!” is enough to overwhelm many people these days.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Fact: Snow in November happens because people decorate for Christmas prematurely. You know who you are. Stop it.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Who can better express pain and grief and misery than a man with a harmonica?

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Dear Stomach, you’re bored, not hungry. So shut up.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Blocking isn’t enough, I hope your pillow never has a cold side.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

I don’t mind pulling your cart — I’ve been chasing the carrot anyway, and it’s in the same direction.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Just remembered I can just get drunk after work instead of quitting. That was a close one.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Hey, are you an aurora borealis or why am I waiting in vain for you to appear?

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

My only knowledge of animals is that turtles like pizza and cats like lasagna.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

I wonder what John Connor thinks now that everyone is embracing AI.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

The time I spend, just thinking about food, is kind of embarrassing.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

A Jackie Chan fight scene where he’s in an IKEA warehouse and he fights off dudes with furniture pieces, but by the end he’s accidentally assembled it all into a complete Malm bedroom set.

Just landed via TikTok:

The best part of being a bomb technician is that you can never have a bad day at work. The worst part of being a bomb technician is that you can never have a bad day at work.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I wish I loved exercising as much as I love not exercising.

Just shared via YouTube:

I’m still tired from yesterday’s tired.

Shared recently on Facebook:

“Oh, I’d love to but I can’t.” Translation: I don’t want to so I won’t.

Making waves on Pinterest:

The only function of a middle name is so a child can assess how much danger they’re in.

Breaking via Instagram:

“Well, this is no good. How do I turn it off?” – The first primate to experience consciousness.

Spotted on X:

Everyone’s a gangster until they see a rainbow.

Spotted on Telegram:

You need a twins name suggestion? How about Kate and DupliKate?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny diss track quotes

New funny diss track quotes 👇

I wish other jobs let us solve issues by releasing diss tracks. Got some sick rhymes about Debbie from accounting and her poorly structured invoicing.

I love diss tracks because it’s basically two dudes going, “grr, we hate each other so much we’re going to take turns writing increasingly personalized poetry!”

All funny diss track quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨