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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Do not take me to an escape room. I was a c-section. Someone is gonna have to come get me.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

I failed as a person; I’m a dinosaur now.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

They get real weird at the gun store if you walk in crying and asking for “the biggest one”.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

I wonder what other animals we tried to ride before discovering that horses were cool with it.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

I like my bed more than I like most people.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

If the Christians published the Kama Sutra, it would have been one page long.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

I gave you a follow back, not a Tinder match, don’t “Hey, beautiful” me.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

If you turn your phone off for 1 day, you’ll realize it’s still 2007 outside.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

The collective noun for a group of reply guys is an audacity.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

What have I done to deserve this? Oh yeah, right, I remember.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,744

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

Making waves on Slack:

If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.

Spotted on X:

Bought a pair of night vision goggles so that I can easily find the fridge at night without waking my wife.

Just shared via Discord:

Maybe coffee is addicted to me?

Seen just now on WeChat:

Childbirth seems like an awful lot of work for an already saturated market.

Trending via Twitch:

Diet Coke is just a fridge cigarette.

Just shared via Reddit:

That awkward moment when you try something on in a shop but you don’t know if you can get it off again.

Making waves on Telegram:

Happiness is when you really have nothing to do with people you want absolutely nothing to do with.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Sometimes the best thing about my job is that my chair turns.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Can I come over and be your midnight snack?

Funny doom-scroller quotes

New funny doom-scroller quotes 👇

Rest here, weary doom-scroller, you’ve seen enough bullshit for one day.

4 days ago

bullshit, daily, daily struggle, day, doom-scroller, enough, frustration, here, humor, internet, relaxation, rest, sarcasm, seen, struggle, tired

All funny doom-scroller quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on Discord this month:

I could put my keys in the same spot every day, but why deprive myself of a treasure hunt that makes me late.

22 shares on Facebook this month:

Imagine if every time you stepped into an elevator, it played the “Mission Impossible” theme.

75 shares on WeChat this month:

I like people who make eye contact like they know something I don’t.

65 shares on Snapchat this month:

I think Australians should have to go three rounds in the ring with a kangaroo before they eat him.

48 shares on Twitch this month:

Hey, I came over because the grass seemed really green here, but now that I’m looking back that grass actually looks crazy green, so I’m gonna go.

41 shares on X this month:

Grant me the supernatural ability to change the things I cannot accept.

75 shares on TikTok this month:

Perfume and jewelry are two things you can never go wrong with gifting me.

83 shares on Reddit this month:

“This too shall pass!” Okay, but like, when exactly?

95 shares on Threads this month:

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have a favorite vegetable peeler.

53 shares on Threads this month:

I just wish I had the confidence of my husband who thinks everything only takes 5 minutes.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

Wait. We’re now turning plants into burgers? Haven’t cows been doing that like, forever.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

The price of groceries has gotten me thinking about what acorns taste like.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

I didn’t expect to have such strong feelings when the subtitles said “smooching” while the actors were kissing.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Looking to sell my DeLorean. Great shape, low mileage. Only driven from time to time.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

I only like when it rains when I’m home.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Not trying to brag but this cop says my rear end is smoking.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

Baby, no job is ever that serious for you to be a work snitch.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

If small talk burned calories, maybe I’d consider it.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

I try to find the good in every situation. Wait, no – that was a typo. Food. I try to find the food in every situation.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

My Christmas letter this year includes a bonus DVD of my colonoscopy.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

You know you’re getting old when you clean the house to the music you used to go out to.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Getting older is so fun. Your life goals slowly transition from things like ‘land a dream job’ to ‘successfully grow a cherry tomato.’

Freshly posted on WeChat:

If Dracula had a cat, she’d be the one sleeping in the coffin.

Just shared via Twitch:

I’m a yapper. I’m a napper. I’m a midnight snacker.

Making waves on TikTok:

I miss when The Weeknd made haunted strip club music. Didn’t know how good I had it.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

A bad relationship can ruin a good song.

Trending via Slack:

4 out 3 people struggle with math.

Going viral on YouTube:

Twerk unto others as you would have them twerk unto you.

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Funny doom-scroller quotes

New funny doom-scroller quotes 👇

Rest here, weary doom-scroller, you’ve seen enough bullshit for one day.

All funny doom-scroller quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨