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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

If you want to make God laugh, inhale some helium then tell Him your plans.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting well wishes for Christmas.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Female friendship is all about taking turns being insane. First, one of you is crazy, and the other has to counterbalance by being normal. Then, thirty minutes later, you get to trade.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

I don’t really do one-night stands, but I will do, like, 3-8 months of a semi-toxic, undefined relationship that wastes my time and ruins my life.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

90s scientists: we cloned a sheep. we landed a robot on mars. Scientists today: for the last time, the earth is round.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Never quit, unless it’s too hard.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Whoever named frogs got it 100% right. Those things are frogs.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

I am a full grown adult. Now listen to me discuss the various plot holes in Paw Patrol.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, and if that doesn’t accurately describe my life, I don’t know what does.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,485

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

Home is where you trust the toilet seat.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I don’t always say something stupid. But when I do, I keep talking and make it worse.

Spotted on Reddit:

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked, I’m 4 people.

Going viral on X:

If there is a God and He “loves” us, then explain snakes.

Freshly posted on Discord:

An Advent Calendar for adults but behind every door is a different kind of anxiety medication.

Shared recently on Instagram:

My bank account and I are no longer on speaking terms.

Going bananas on TikTok:

I stop myself at least twice a day from posting a status that would make everyone grab popcorn.

Going viral on Messenger:

The key to a healthy relationship is taking turns being the sad one.

Going viral on Telegram:

People who own banana costumes will wear that shit to anything.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I don’t need to grow a thick skin. The world needs to grow fewer thorns.

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Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

26 shares on Messenger this month:

We can’t both age regress at the same time — someone’s gonna have to push me on the swingset.

26 shares on TikTok this month:

Enjoy the time between diapers!

46 shares on Twitch this month:

Imagine the carnage at an IKEA team building event.

92 shares on YouTube this month:

I love diss tracks because it’s basically two dudes going, “grr, we hate each other so much we’re going to take turns writing increasingly personalized poetry!”

48 shares on Discord this month:

I hate having a ton of anxiety and no energy. It’s like having a tank full of gas and no engine.

17 shares on Reddit this month:

You have a bucket list, I have my head in a bucket, we are not the same.

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“I saw your ex!” A very unnecessary piece of information.

86 shares on TikTok this month:

Unless it’s manic, I don’t want to hear about your Monday.

42 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Some people have goals based on a summer body. Mine revolve entirely around the weight limit of my beach chairs.

51 shares on Pinterest this month:

The difference between the Olympic village and a normal village is that not everyone in the Olympic village is related to each other.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite date activity is ice skating because I’m really good at it, and it allows me to assert dominance on the ice.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Got a scam email full of mistakes like they’re not even trying. It won’t be long before AI takes their jobs.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Those security guards at the Samsung store are Guardians of the Galaxy.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If I’m not spoken to, my morning grumpiness goes almost unnoticed.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel by now.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The secret to a good marriage is that it’s all about give and take. Giving each other frequent back rubs and ordering lots of takeout.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

You know what’s worse than someone’s phone alarm playing the tune over and over? Someone else who starts whistling along.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

When I try to figure out rows vs. columns, I just row away in my boat of confusion!

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Jobs are so clingy. Why do you need to see me 40 hours a week?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,501

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

I lied, there’s no sex. Stand over there and tell me if this painting I’m hanging is straight.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Black Friday used to have heart. I wanna see someone get clocked for a Wii.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

“I read 20 books this year!” That’s nothing. I read 50,000 tweets.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

I survived a Monday, and for what? Tuesday? Disgusting.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Need a book club for people who all just happened to read the same book but hated it and now need to vent.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

It’s not about the cards you’re dealt, but how you play the hand you’ve got hidden up your sleeve.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

I’m soirée for my mispronunciation of French words.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

The note on this boxed wine says ‘Fresh up to 6 weeks after opening’. 6 weeks. Lol.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

One day you’ll meet that amazing person who just gets you, and they won’t text you back either.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Gyms are empty because they’re all on weight loss drugs.

Trending via Facebook:

I bought a watermelon and all I can think about is filling it with vodka.

Trending via Instagram:

I miss making out in public and making people feel uncomfortable.

Trending via Discord:

Declined stepping on the scale at the doctor’s office because no one needs that kind of negativity in her life.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

One day you’re hip and cool, and then out of nowhere you say things like hip and cool.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror movies, so it relaxes you before bedtime.

Making waves on Threads:

My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

Trending via Reddit:

I have a complicated relationship with push/pull doors.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a few minutes.

Just landed via Discord:

This place was really tidy yesterday. It’s a shame you missed it.

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