Funny early human quotes

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

I’m just going to flip this omelette… Okay, we’re having scrambled eggs.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

I’ve been doing Dry January, but it’s literally just been my lips and skin.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

I always take two stairs at a time, that way if I fall, it’s only half the distance.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Not now, I’m busy doing tax crimes on my abacus.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

Raising a teenager is like nailing pudding to the wall.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

When someone asks me why I’m leaving the party early, I say “I’m late for an appointment with my pajamas.”

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Does your blood pump that way just for me?

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Sometimes when I’m having a particularly stressful day, I take a pregnancy test to remind myself that at least one thing in my life is still going as planned.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Getting a nose ring, so I don’t lose my keys.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

Parenting is yelling ‘you just had a snack!’ over and over until you give in and throw them another snack.