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Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Another beautiful day without using sin, tan and cos.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

To the spirits in my walls: going to the store, be right back.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

I grew up in a poor family. We didn’t have much, but we had each other. And that was the worst part.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

I’ll marry your mom just so I can ground you.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

You have never experienced true fear until a poster falls off the wall in the middle of the night.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Sorry for the things I said when I thought you weren’t listening.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

It’s Mother’s Day Eve so remember to leave out a bottle of wine for Mom when she comes down the chimney.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Tonight we shall read a passage from the old testicle.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

A spiral is just a circle that’s afraid of closure.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,809

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

Any room can be an escape room when you have diarrhea.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Awkwardly stares into the abyss in between meetings.

Trending via Messenger:

The older I get, the more I respect Sleeping Beauty. She took one look at the world and said, “Nah.”

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer. Plus, it’s fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Not to brag, but what a time to be childless.

Just landed via Reddit:

I’m not lazy, I’m an inactivist.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

There should be a special rating system for movies that tells you how uncomfortable you’ll be if you watch them with your parents.

Live now on Instagram:

Helvetica is my favorite font that sounds like a heavy metal band.

Trending via Snapchat:

The easiest diet is lack of money. You don’t have to do anything.

Live now on Snapchat:

Men used to smoke Marlboros. Now they cry when they lose their strawberry cheesecake vape.

Home » Funny Employee Handbook Quotes

Funny employee handbook quotes

New funny employee handbook quotes 👇

Show me in the employee handbook where it says I can’t make weird noises in my cubicle.

0

2 months ago

cubicle, employee, employee handbook, handbook, humor, i, life, me, noise, office, office life, show, weird, weird noise, where, workplace, workplace humor

All funny employee handbook quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on Slack this month:

Dear music, thanks!

83 shares on Instagram this month:

I said when I retire, I would travel. I just didn’t expect it to be to the doctors.

38 shares on Twitch this month:

Incredibly annoying that exercising, eating right, and drinking water can make you actually feel good.

92 shares on Snapchat this month:

The most disturbing thing about waking up at 4 a.m. is realizing some people do this on purpose so they can exercise.

45 shares on WeChat this month:

Most of my shoulder workout comes from shrugging when people ask me questions.

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

Having a kid is so fun when you’re childish, like yeah, it’s my turn with the slime, boo.

45 shares on Threads this month:

I can’t wait for my mom to come to my new house so she can tell me how I organized the kitchen wrong.

79 shares on Telegram this month:

Carrots are a great thing to eat when you’re hungry, and want to stay that way.

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

Mercury is no longer in retrograde, so never trust a cow because the sun can’t swim.

100 shares on Twitch this month:

The only warning I take seriously these days is when my cell phone battery is low.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

I wish I had the free time of someone who leaves a positive Amazon review for a rake.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

I don’t know how to flirt, but you can watch me eat fresh fruit in my sundress.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

Requesting the Pink Panther theme song at karaoke and just standing on the stage motionless the entire time.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Wish I could step out of my body and take my own damn pictures.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

I think it’s extremely important, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

I don’t think we’ll ever see aliens. I bet that they’re just gathering information and waiting for us to destroy ourselves.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Just got diagnosed with needing a hot chocolate with extra marshmallows.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

“Each to their own!” Translation: You’re wrong, but never mind.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

In other news, congrats to my therapist for securing a 4 year contract with me.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

Imagine hating me and I don’t notice.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

If you send a man to war today, he’s gonna go there and take dark exposure aesthetic pics.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Guys love being called “daddy” until the pregnancy test comes back positive.

Spotted on YouTube:

The more attention you get on this website, the less you enjoy being on it.

Spotted on TikTok:

If my dog knew how many photos I have of him sleeping, he’d file a restraining order against me.

Making waves on X:

Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, family size Toblerone.

Trending via Twitch:

Commenting “humiliation ritual” on a pic of my friend out with his family.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I remember when my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? And I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

Breaking via Twitch:

Once you realize that the general public is retarded, you stop caring about how crazy you look to them.

Trending via Twitch:

Whenever I see an athlete eating quark, I get sad, because the quark could have been turned into cheesecake.

Seen just now on WeChat:

You don’t need to be a good listener as long as you’re a good nodder.

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Funny employee handbook quotes

New funny employee handbook quotes 👇

Show me in the employee handbook where it says I can’t make weird noises in my cubicle.

All funny employee handbook quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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