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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Every night, millions of teeth go unbrushed.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

I, unfortunately, was born without any interest in Avatar.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Cool things happen when you start hanging out outside a lot. Animals just appear and stuff.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Bruce Lee had a faster older brother named Sudden Lee.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Offering someone food, and secretly hoping, they don’t want it.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Whenever I get up my cat gets up too and then yells at me like it’s my fault she decided we have to do this together.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

I can’t wait to get married so I can bring home unnecessary stuff and get yelled at for it.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

On a scale of quack to quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack, what do you think of my duck-based numbering system?

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

This entire year I was method acting. None of it was real. I was working on a bit.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,627

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

If sex was strictly meant for procreation, why did God make it feel so good?

Live now on Reddit:

I’m waiting for the perfect moment to stop procrastinating.

Live now on Instagram:

Why talk to bots when my plants listen just fine?

Seen just now on Twitch:

That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don’t know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Dua Lipa is a fantastic singer AND Mario’s advice to Luigi when he wants to get on a slightly higher platform.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Rental car companies seem so insanely helpless at their one job. You show up at the airport, reservation in hand, and they’re like, ‘Wait, really? You wanted a car? Sorry, you totally caught me off guard.’

Breaking via YouTube:

Want to lose weight for the summer? Don’t worry, just check in your luggage at the airport. You’ll never see those pounds again.

Just landed via TikTok:

Shaved my entire body for this post, just in case.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

God saw you do that.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

A fabric tomato filled with needles. Don’t see that much anymore.

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Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park, but it’s just really hard to find thirty-two of them willing to do it.

45 shares on TikTok this month:

I made some bad choices in life, but I never bought a pair of Crocs.

15 shares on Reddit this month:

Dating apps aren’t working. I’ll see ya at Home Depot, gentlemen.

43 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Having a toddler is wild. I’m getting breaking news about Peppa Pig.

10 shares on Discord this month:

Don’t hate me because I can fall asleep within seconds; hate me because I can sleep through the night without having to get up to go to the bathroom.

79 shares on Threads this month:

Remember, you don’t have to worry about being around annoying people in public if you never leave the house.

67 shares on Slack this month:

I have neither the patience nor the crayons to show you why this is a bad idea.

16 shares on Twitch this month:

The sweet spot is just enough pain to know you’re alive, but not quite enough to wish you were dead.

32 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Decorated the house across the street so I can look out the window and enjoy my handiwork.

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I get sad when I see how old people my age are.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

People tell introverts to talk more and get out of their comfort zone, but no one tells extroverts to shut up to make the zone comfortable.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Dating for love isn’t working. Now I’m dating to conduct psychological experiments and collect data.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Horoscope: Many good things are in store for you! Unfortunately, the store is closed for repairs.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite part of the Bible is when Jesus says to put a cross emoji and a Bible verse in your bio, and then call people slurs on the internet.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Not trying to brag but this cop says my rear end is smoking.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Glad to be born at a time when I got to see what life was like before the internet, and will be dead before AI completely destroys humanity.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Tinder, but for nearby people that have a printer you can use.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s so foggy outside. Y’all gotta stop vaping.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

You should get a pension for having to go to school for so many years.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t have an advent calendar, so I’m just opening cupboard doors and eating what’s in there.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,717

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Hairless cats look like the devil screwed up a possession.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

I think that police officers on foot should wear blue flashing sneakers.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Old people like to golf every day because they are so sick of everyone’s shit and just wanna repeatedly whack something.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Ever read something so magnificently stupid that you have to just stare into space for a little while and reconcile with your brain for having been subjected to it?

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

If dogs ever learn to talk, I want everyone to keep in mind that mine is a big fat liar.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

They say there’s no such thing as a stupid question, but then they’ll go and wake you up to ask if you’re asleep.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Working with children gives you so much in return. Lice, for example.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

“I’m in a really good place right now, not mentally. I’m just indoors with air conditioning.”

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Snapchat:

Welcome to adulthood. You have a favorite gas station now.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

A haunted house, but it’s just a room full of people asking you to tell them a fun fact about yourself.

Spotted on Telegram:

God saw you do that.

Just landed via X:

Do you think they’re called cough drops because when you cough really hard they drop out of your mouth onto the floor?

Trending via WeChat:

Day 12 without chocolate: Lost all hearing in my left eye.

Spreading quickly via X:

Performative male is kinda just a rebrand of metrosexual, which is just a way to say a straight guy is a little bit faggy.

Making waves on Slack:

Warning: People who need to leave their homes today are advised that it is extremely Monday outside this morning.

Making waves on TikTok:

A weighted blanket isn’t enough today, I need to be compressed into a zip-file.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Life is so dull when you don’t have someone to flirt with.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Delightful if true: booby trap.

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