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6 months ago
Share →: Foo fighters still fighting foo.

Commentary:
Looks like those foo fighters have got some serious dedication! 💪🎸 Maybe one day they'll finally conquer the mighty foo for good! 🤣 #NeverEndingBattle

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Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

My tombstone will read “Hey there, I’m using WhatsApp!”.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

I did vote once but only because I thought the line was to a buffet.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

My favorite type of gender reveal is the one where they just tell me and I don’t have to go to a party to find out.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

I’m retired. I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today.

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Did the people you had a crush on always like you back or are you funny?

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I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

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Whoops, lost myself for about eight years there.

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Candy companies will look you straight in the eye and lie about how they know what a banana tastes like.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

Your opinions are not my business.

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Trending via WhatsApp:

Date idea: We watch Breaking Bad and break your bed.

Just landed via YouTube:

The gaps in my resume are from the space bar.

Shared recently on Instagram:

The Midwest urge to have a drink on a patio as soon as it’s nice out.

Going viral on Facebook:

I’ve never really had a beach body, but my snowman body is coming along quite nicely.

Making waves on TikTok:

Never share a secret with a clock. Because time will tell.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

Breaking via Discord:

For the amount of meat you get out of clam, I feel like we could just leave them alone.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I’m sick of getting woken up at 6am by the bin men. I just want a nice sleep but they always insist that I get out of the bin before they collect it.

Just landed via TikTok:

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Most earthquakes could have been an email.

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I’m too lazy to be a superhero. If I had laser eyes, I’d probably just use them to heat soup or something.

Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

Why can’t people be tested like watermelons? You tap them on the head and find out whether they are normal or bad.

My kids didn’t follow me into the bathroom so now I’m scared to leave and find out what they got into instead.

Turns out that ending meetings with “have the day you deserve” has made me some enemies at work.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Folks, please have more respect for people with glasses. Because they pay money to see you.

“AI is coming for your jobs”. I’d like to see AI show up drunk on Fridays and sexually harass my coworkers.

When someone asks me what my dream job is, it’s just like “I don’t know dude, I don’t dream about jobs”

Hello, my voicemail is currently unavailable. To leave a message please speak slowly and clearly into the nearest toaster.

A gentleman always straightens out the vending machine after shaking it.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

If an ice cream truck has its music on, are you supposed to pull over and let it pass like an ambulance?

Sugar held my hand through every breakup.

I miss when there were so many episodes of every show that they all eventually did one where it was hot, and the air conditioning went out.

There’s a special place in hell for people like you (next to me).

“Real Housewives” is a great oxymoron because nothing about them is real.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

You can’t hurt me. You’re not how I look first thing in the morning.

Anything is free if you can outrun security. The more you know.

I think one quality that makes me incredibly attractive is that I keep my mouth shut when I have nothing to say.

It’s okay, wobbly chair, I’m unstable too.

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