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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

What’s a polite way to tell someone you hope they get mauled by a bear?

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

I want a man to love me so bad his entire family thinks I did witchcraft on him.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

I never oversleep in the mornings. I set an alarm and a back-up alarm. Plus, there’s also a noisy kid once those fail.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

At least 80% of my day is spent holding back my inappropriate thoughts.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Word on the street is that the fire in your heart is out.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Some people change their faces like traffic lights change their lights.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

I love sleeping in fishnets. Makes you feel like a big honey roast ham.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

The funniest thing about Batman is that he legitimately doesn’t give a shit about crime that happens during the day.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

Do you ever wish you could just walk away mid-conversation when you’re bored?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,544

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Threads:

They say you should dress for the job you want then send you home as “the stormtrooper suit is not appropriate work attire”.

Live now on Telegram:

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

Trending via Slack:

Group projects in school weren’t meant to teach you teamwork, they were meant to teach you how to deal with the incompetence of your coworkers in the workplace.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Putting my Christmas tree up today. Big day for my cats.

Seen just now on Threads:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying things like, “That’s a pretty building.”

Going viral on Facebook:

Once this pandemic ends, I’m legit quitting video games and getting a girlfriend for real.

Spotted on Messenger:

Sick and tired of these 30 mins weekends.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Sometimes you choose the GIF-war over your responsibilities.

Seen just now on Instagram:

You can use an egg timer to tell you when your egg is cooked perfectly. For brown rice you can use a calendar.

Shared recently on X:

Twitter is like group therapy but everyone’s yelling and no one’s licensed.

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Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on Messenger this month:

Imagine if all the money spent on AI was spent on trains.

60 shares on Discord this month:

If you don’t like me, remember: it’s mind over matter. I don’t mind, and you don’t matter.

59 shares on Pinterest this month:

Every time my kids start whining, I get the urge to call my mom and apologize.

74 shares on YouTube this month:

My therapist should also do my nails while we’re talking.

95 shares on Snapchat this month:

The book characters may be fictional, but my emotional instability over them is real.

95 shares on WeChat this month:

WFH is so great until you realize you’ve walked about 17 steps all day.

59 shares on WeChat this month:

If you’re wondering how motherhood is going, I’m watching a TV show and someone is in traction with a full body cast and I sighed and said “That looks so relaxing”

29 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I need an Apple Watch that tracks when my patience runs out.

37 shares on X this month:

I don’t mind driving in bad weather. I mind other people driving in bad weather.

45 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Quitting my job to focus on being in love.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s so cold outside I saw a gangster pull his pants up and walk stiffly.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Slipping into something more comfortable, another dimension.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Apparently the term for migraine-sufferer is ‘migraneur.’ Nice getting recognition as a kind of artisan of suffering.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I wasn’t made to hustle and bustle. I was made to dilly and dally.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Once you start paying rent, every joke stops being funny.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My new pajamas have no pockets. I don’t want to hear your problems.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Maturing is when you’d rather drink your bourbon half-naked on the couch than go out.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

At this point, if you buy Tesla, everyone is just going to assume you are a loser.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I keep saying, “It is what it is,” but what even is it?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Sitting in a room with my husband and kids… Suddenly I realize everyone here has been in my vagina. Wow.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,514

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Mambo No. 5, but it’s in a minor key, and I’m naming women who didn’t text me back.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Getting older is realizing how great doing nothing is.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

Are you stupid, sand? You could just lay here forever on this beautiful beach, but no, you have to try with all you’ve got, to get into my shoes.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Tidying up usually ends up with you sitting somewhere and playing around with things you found while tidying up.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Shout out to everyone who cooks at 180°C for 20 minutes, no matter what the instructions say.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

I would reset the clock on your microwave for you.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Unlike men, women would immediately admit their mistakes if they had any.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Special Offer: Save 100% when you don’t buy anything.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

The main difference between my dog and my kid is my dog responds to her name being called.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

The sexual orientation where you’re attracted to both and men and women but they’re not attracted to you is called Bi-yourself.

Trending via Twitch:

He had the nerve to call me pretty. I’m gorgeous.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Ping me if your boobs glow in the dark.

Going viral on Facebook:

I didn’t know that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I wasn’t on that job.

Just landed via Facebook:

Nothing more humbling than being at a karaoke birthday party with a bunch of singers.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

We can’t both age regress at the same time — someone’s gonna have to push me on the swingset.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Roses are red. Bumble bees buzz. This rhyme doesn’t rhyme. No, wait, yes it does.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I bought a robot vacuum today. Named it “Dustbin Bieber”.

Just landed via Instagram:

You guys know your secrets are safe with me. It’s the people I share them with you can’t trust.

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