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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

It’s not fair when attractive people are also good at things.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

I have so much planned today that I was already tired thinking of it yesterday.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

No, don’t worry about him, babe. That’s just my soulmate.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

I am half agony, half hope.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Fun fact: a person’s music taste can actually tell their intelligence level.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Going from “I can fix her” to “I don’t care if she lives or dies” in the same beer.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Drugs do not ruin your career. Drug tests do.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

There are two classes of travel: first class and with children.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

I don’t mind being the villain in your story because you’re a clown in mine.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

Not smiling until Friday; nothing is funny this week.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,469

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

Your fingers have fingertips, but your toes don’t have toetips. Yet, you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.

Going viral on Twitch:

Simplicity is so complicated.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I have absolutely no desire to stay in the loop.

Going viral on X:

Sorry, can you repeat what you said? I didn’t have my glasses on.

Seen just now on YouTube:

If someone ghosts you, respect the dead and never disturb them again.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Hey beauty brands who make face creams: 30ml is only enough for an ant’s face.

Going viral on Threads:

Whitening my teeth by getting a tan.

Going viral on Slack:

I think, therefore I am. I am, therefore I think. Therefore I am. I think.

Shared recently on Facebook:

The problem with people starts when we expect things from them, or have anything to do with them.

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First responders? You mean reply guys?

2 months ago

comedy, first responder, guy, guys, humor, interaction, mean, media, online, online interaction, reply, reply guy, responder, sarcasm, social, social media

All funny first responder quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on Telegram this month:

Everyone hates drama, yet somehow the tabloids remain in business.

78 shares on Messenger this month:

All this suffering on earth because someone ate an apple once.

10 shares on Twitch this month:

Even at my most evil, I’m considerate.

25 shares on Discord this month:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, spreading goat cheese on a bagel.

62 shares on Facebook this month:

Babe, are you ok? You’ve barely talked about the horrors of being alive.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The good news: once you get a PhD, friends and family will refer to you as doctor. The bad news: They will only do it when you’re wrong.

79 shares on X this month:

Popping your head in the cockpit and saying, “Anywhere here will do, chief.

64 shares on X this month:

If you love someone be brave enough to tell them. Otherwise be brave enough to watch them dating someone else.

97 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I have this ability where I can look at someone’s profile picture and determine whether they are evil or not.

92 shares on YouTube this month:

If you’re in first class on a flight, sometimes they upgrade you to captain.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

I’m too old to be jingling all the way, I’ll jingle til about five thirty.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Is it socially acceptable to wear pajamas all day if you’re constantly holding a coffee cup?

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

When I’m in a good mood, I go to my blocked list and release one or two prisoners.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

There’ll be a time someone will convince you to watch Game of Thrones. It is very important that you listen to them and watch.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Blackout curtains because I’ll decide what time it is.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Social media is proof that even mental hospitals have WiFi.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

I love when people say, “It is what it is,” like they just discovered stoicism.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

People who accuse me of delusions of grandeur, obviously don’t worship me enough.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

I enjoy long walks in the woods, but only because there’s a chance I’ll get eaten by a bear.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

One day you’re young and fun, and the next you’re saying, “I wonder how old this tree is.”

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

Do the people who make chairs know what humans look like, or nah?

Spotted on Pinterest:

I would love to be normal, but unfortunately, I was raised by the internet and a microwave.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Absolutely love wanting to do a lot of things and ending up not doing even one! Yay.

Spotted on X:

It’s healthy to be a little insane sometimes.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Girl talk is my favorite. You go from discussing goals to talking about shoes, to hating men, to planning a trip in six minutes.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.

Breaking via X:

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew I would be fraught with melancholy and nostalgia.

Breaking via Twitch:

Sure, I could get off the couch today, but then what?

Live now on TikTok:

Spotify wrapped is like my annual mental health report and it’s getting worse by each passing year.

Going viral on Discord:

Facebook should just go back to being Hot or Not dot com.

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Funny first responder quotes

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