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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

I don’t understand people who don’t have kids. Imagine having absolutely nobody to blame when you’re late.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

I’m officially at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to go anywhere after work.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

No thank you, I only like men who have no interest in me.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

If paying a cashier a living wage will make prices go up, why doesn’t replacing cashiers with self-checkouts make prices go down?

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

Welcome to Twitter, someone from an unhappy home will attend to you shortly.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Therapy is cool but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

You don’t need to be a good listener as long as you’re a good nodder.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Nobody defends billionaires better than dudes making $50,000 a year.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Sometimes my body needs to be punished by Taco Bell.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Comments other people make during a movie are annoying. Comments I make during a movie enhance the experience.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,636

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

Date night idea: fight another couple.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Women will brag about their intuition, and then date a DJ.

Spotted on Reddit:

You can’t argue with me because I’ll just agree with you until you leave.

Freshly posted on Slack:

The smarter we make the A.I., the less it wants to do our jobs.

Just shared via Telegram:

Did you know that if you listen to any Black Sabbath album backwards, you can hear them singing backwards?

Going bananas on Telegram:

Women don’t pretend anymore to dig for something in their purse and then pull out their middle finger.

Just landed via Twitch:

Humidity is great because then people think it’s not my fault that my hair looks like this.

Spotted on WeChat:

Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The sexual orientation where you’re attracted to both and men and women but they’re not attracted to you is called Bi-yourself.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

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Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on Slack this month:

The best addition to any essay is, of course, a condescending tone.

22 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My New Years resolutions are to do some things, and stop doing some other things.

87 shares on Threads this month:

What must a pancake think when it’s being flipped? Doubtless something jolly.

76 shares on TikTok this month:

Eating the sticker on an apple counts as 35% of your daily fiber intake.

51 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Responding to all selfies with “this should work.”

82 shares on Twitch this month:

Oh, him? He’s my insignificant other.

40 shares on Twitch this month:

By accepting their pardons, the turkeys are admitting guilt.

49 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t understand, but I also don’t care… so it works out.

91 shares on Facebook this month:

Don’t worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

75 shares on Twitch this month:

I love cute tiny purses, but I’m sad to say I can never be a cute tiny purse girl. I need to haul my hoard of objects everywhere I go, because what if….

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

You ever meet an all-male friend group that is less a group of friends than it is “one guy and his henchmen”?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Lord of the Rings is wild cause Gandalf told Frodo he had to go on a super dangerous journey and Frodo was like “Ok, can I bring my gardener?”

22 folks are currently checking 👀

First date idea: unlock and switch phones with the other person for exactly two minutes and if no one is horrified then the date continues.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Cannabis has many benefits. For example, it makes you retarded. But in addition, it also makes you lazy. No worries though, it also makes you fat and insane.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Oh no, a login from a new device? And that device is my phone? The one that I use every single day? And the location is my house, you say? Thank you so much for warning me. I will contact Interpol.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I put on my Godzilla costume, then go to the miniature golf course to beat up the windmill.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t think of a single time the MGM lion advanced the plot of the movie in any way. Just needless jump scare.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m often mistaken for an adult because of my age.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Life would be so much easier if you could push a button that makes dickheads fall through a trap door in the floor.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

You can be having the nicest day and then you have to print something and you know your day is about to fall apart real fast.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,752

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Does anyone want to fall in love and split rent with me?

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Attention to detail is so sexy, study me, baby.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

Julia Garner most confusing name because it calls to mind both Julia Roberts and Jennifer Garner, but she is neither.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

I always imagined WWIII would be Earth vs. aliens.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

You can never really “own” earbuds. You just have to appreciate the time you had together.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Please hesitate to reach out.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

I forgot to turn my clocks back and, oh my God, you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

My doctor told me “good luck” and gave me finger guns, so obviously I’m dying.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

I’m so bored of being bored, because being bored is really boring.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Facebook:

I feel for my kids, who had to take in the groceries and put them away today. They may never recover from this traumatic experience.

Breaking via Telegram:

My phone charger is lying in another room. HELP.

Just landed via Telegram:

I want a chiropractor to crack my entire body like a glow stick.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I love when my grandma texts me — because I know it took her an hour.

Just shared via X:

My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side. My legs for always supporting me. And my fingers because I can always count on them.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

That moment when it’s January in a couple of weeks, and you realize you are still trying to lose weight from last January.

Just shared via TikTok:

I’m so cold, I wish I could get in the dryer.

Trending via Instagram:

This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

With age comes wisdom. And digestive trouble.

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