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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

If an ice cream truck has its music on, are you supposed to pull over and let it pass like an ambulance?

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Falling off academically is worse than a heartbreak.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Trying is the first step toward failure.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Babe, would it kill you to meow back?

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

I can’t finish cleaning up my room because I get distracted by all of the cool stuff I find.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

James Bond really accurately predicted that the biggest threat to life on Earth is super-rich businessmen, whose money didn’t make them happy, and now their hobby is destroying the world.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Of course the laundry has to be done, but the wine doesn’t drink itself either.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Never faked an orgasm before, but the joy of ugly presents.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here playing with my arm fat.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Sometimes, when I need a really good night’s sleep, I call my burrito guy to come over and tuck me in.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,712

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

How do I get someone to unknow me? I no longer want to be known by these people.

Live now on Instagram:

Being completely ignored on Twitter is associated with higher IQ.

Live now on Messenger:

One thing I will never understand about adulthood is how I’m supposed to make appointments if I work full time and every place closes at 6 p.m.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

The question I ask myself most often is, “What would a jury think about this?”

Trending via WhatsApp:

DUI stands for: don’t Uber, I got this.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

Shared recently on X:

My credit score is a family of raccoons hissing over a McRib.

Just landed via Instagram:

Twitter is basically like a mental institution where everyone thinks they’re the sane one, and everybody else is crazy.

Just landed via WeChat:

Ghosting is actually a sign of great respect in my culture.

Trending via Pinterest:

90% of debugging is just realizing your own stupidity in slow motion.

Funny hockey quotes

Funny hockey quotes bring a humorous edge to the high-speed action of the rink. 🏒😆 From witty remarks about game-day antics to playful jabs at on-ice mishaps, these quotes celebrate the lighter side of the sport. Enjoy a laugh and embrace the fun of hockey with these funny quotes! 😂🏆

New funny hockey quotes 👇

All funny hockey quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on Slack this month:

Can we talk about what little red riding hoods actual grandma must have looked like?

48 shares on Messenger this month:

Why, as a hair, would you even wanna be ingrown. Like why are you doing that?

56 shares on Instagram this month:

The question is, what will kill humanity this century? Artificial intelligence or natural stupidity?

11 shares on Slack this month:

Robot bartender rips me in half after listening to my problems for over an hour.

66 shares on Discord this month:

Not again. I mean good morning.

68 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The ideal girlfriend breaks your heart, so you go on to do great things.

69 shares on Slack this month:

I tried to act normal once, worst five minutes of my life.

61 shares on Slack this month:

I’m not moody; I’m just on shuffle.

74 shares on WeChat this month:

Why can’t the house clean itself? It seems to get dirty by itself.

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

I love my new crockpot. Now we can wait longer to eat my horrible cooking.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Tuesday is just another Monday, but reheated.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey Alexa… remind me why I walked into this room.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I forgot the word “espresso” so I asked the barista for a smaller, angrier coffee.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Have you guys heard of recency bias? I hadn’t, but now I’m seeing it literally everywhere. Must be a big deal.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Playing Mortal Kombat at an arcade in the 90’s would fix me.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Old and bitter feels much better than I thought it would.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite military tradition is asking someone what an acronym means right after they use it, and they don’t know what it means.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m not falling for that again,” I say, as I’m about to fall for whatever that is again.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

That fight could’ve been an email.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,633

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

The only thing you can count on with some people is that you can’t count on them.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

When your electric toothbrush dies, it becomes a regular toothbrush. Don’t freak out. Just calm down and remember your training.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

I have a lot in common with AI. We occasionally provide incorrect information with a confident tone.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

I just went to Crazy Town, and they said you’re a local legend.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Victor Frankenstein being only 23 years old when he made the monster is crazy to me, he should have been at the club.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Me, with $33 left after paying bills: Let’s see how much a Land Rover costs.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Watched a movie on Netflix last night that was so bad, I walked out of my own house.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Born to be a Jedi spinning a lightsaber, forced to work full-time and pay rent.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Cats spend two-thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Mama didn’t raise no fool, I turned into one all on my own.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via X:

I’ve had so much tea trying to get rid of this cold that I’m now speaking with a British accent and am fascinated with the Royal family.

Spotted on Instagram:

Chuck Norris passed his driving test on foot.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Am I just an Untitled Document to you?

Live now on LinkedIn:

“I’m not concerned about Netflix buying Warner Brothers. None of this will matter once we evolve gills and start living underwater.”

Making waves on Messenger:

I’ve been ghosted enough to add paranormal investigator to my resume.

Breaking via WeChat:

Seaweed is great for when you want to eat pure salt but wish it had the texture of slime.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Can’t wait to overuse the “My husband said,” “Let me phone my husband,” “I’ll ask my husband.”

Spotted on Snapchat:

Marriage! Because your shitty day doesn’t have to end at work.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I think if you ask Kanye for a million at the right time, he’ll give it to you.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Chip bags should be clear, show me what you want me to pay $6 for, cowards.

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