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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Nobody could stop me if I wasn’t tired all the time.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

God’s plan for me is super weird so far.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

I’ve learned two important things in life, I can’t remember the first one, but the second one is to write everything down.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

I’ve finally found out what chronology is. And it’s about time.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Why would I date a nonchalant man? I like my men how I like my thong.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Nothing humbles me faster than my phone camera accidentally turning on.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

I like to be alone a lot; it’s nothing personal.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

I’ve been a main character since birth.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Talking to some people is like folding a fitted sheet.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,315

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on X:

You ask for a Swedish massage and then get mad when I roll meatballs on your back.

Seen just now on Discord:

I get writer’s block responding to people.

Seen just now on Instagram:

If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I might be late to a lot of places, but the airport is not one of them.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Being a writer means having a story you want everyone in the world to read, except anyone who knows you.

Just landed via Facebook:

I’m sorry I mistook all our laughs, long nights, sweet texts, and inside jokes as you caring. I’ll think twice before wasting my time again.

Going viral on YouTube:

If a man says he’ll fix it, he will fix it. There’s no need to remind him every six months.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Patience and forbearance are those qualities you develop when there are too many witnesses.

Spotted on Facebook:

My therapist is fluffy and walks on four paws.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

There’s a guy who thinks he’s going to Yale, but it’s jail.

Funny housewarming party quotes

New funny housewarming party quotes 👇

When I moved into my new igloo, my friends threw me a surprise housewarming party. Now I’m homeless.

3 weeks ago

friend, friends, homeless, homelessness, housewarming, housewarming party, humor, i, igloo, joke, me, moved, moving, new, party, surprise, surprise party

All funny housewarming party quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on Facebook this month:

My signature move is always learning my lessons the hard way.

83 shares on Instagram this month:

No one is shocked when a defibrillator doesn’t work.

66 shares on Instagram this month:

Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.

43 shares on YouTube this month:

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.

66 shares on YouTube this month:

It really cannot be overstated how many of your problems disappear once you have a beautiful woman who is in love with you.

69 shares on WeChat this month:

Pilots lowkey have an aura when they walk past you in the airport.

94 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t drink alcohol. I like suffering raw.

77 shares on Reddit this month:

Mercury is no longer in retrograde, so never trust a cow because the sun can’t swim.

89 shares on Instagram this month:

Imagine if you spent all your time studying, actually studying.

27 shares on Slack this month:

People who say “teamwork makes the dream work” are the reason that some people want to punch other people in the face.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

I don’t understand people who forget to eat. I’m already planning lunch while chewing breakfast.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

An Amish party in the desert called churning man.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

I accidentally poured vodka on my orange juice this morning. Twice.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

They should invent a good thing that happens.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Sorry I left you on read, I didn’t mean to open it just yet.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

If I text you an accordion emoji, it means you better start acting accordingly.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Not to brag, but I can trip over things that aren’t even there!

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Be the reason someone burns sage.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Walking up to any crime scene and whispering within the crowd, “It’s started again, hasn’t it?” then leaving.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Passwords are like underwear: You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them, you should change them regularly, and you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone?

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Men be like, “You’ve been different ever since I disrespected you.”

Just shared via Telegram:

I don’t understand all the fuss about ChatGPT – I have teenagers who already know everything.

Just landed via Telegram:

I am never hungrier than when I leave the dentist and told I can’t eat right away.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Dollar Tree need to just go ahead and change the name to Tree of Unexpected Prices.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.

Going viral on Instagram:

I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

Making waves on Slack:

Girls take a picture of their legs in a bubble bath and say “guess where I am”. The library?

Shared recently on YouTube:

When we’re old, the children will use Covid to explain our brain damaged opinions much like we do to Boomers with lead. It is fate.

Going viral on Threads:

I like when the superheroes that can fly pick up and carry the ones that can’t.

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Activity Log ✨

Funny housewarming party quotes

New funny housewarming party quotes 👇

When I moved into my new igloo, my friends threw me a surprise housewarming party. Now I’m homeless.

All funny housewarming party quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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