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My toxic trait is thinking I deserve a break after sending one email.

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Don’t buy me flowers. A bouquet of KitKats will suffice.

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The goose: Canada’s most violent saxophone.

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Fundamentally, I understand chess, because I too would never let my king feel unsafe.

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The clitoris has 8,000 nerves, if you gonna get on my nerves, get on one of those.

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Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about yourself. You can do that on your own.

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Coke tastes like tapping into your ancient ancestral petroleum reserves, while Sprite tastes like being connected to a big, beautiful energy grid.