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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

90% of parenting is wondering when you can lie down again.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

The other day, I got the crazy idea to see if I could still do a cartwheel. I can’t.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

I didn’t like my beard at first… then it grew on me.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

I gave you a follow back, not a Tinder match, don’t “Hey, beautiful” me.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Sorry, I’m late. I was trying to convince a bathroom hand dryer that I exist.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Adulting means growing hair in places you’re not supposed to and losing hair in places you don’t want to.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Can I come over and circle you like a vulture?

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

The ugliest version of me is the version that comes out when I play board games. I don’t know who she is, but she is a monster. She is not fit for human interaction.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

My ideal vacation would be to drop my family off at the airport and then have a week of peace and quiet.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

They say “Time heals.” No, it doesn’t. I’m still mad.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,565

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

Worst part of being in my 20’s is to be reminded that I’m actually in my mid-40’s.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Set my sex robot to boyfriend mode and now it’s liking other girls’ pictures on Insta.

Live now on Telegram:

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you started eating chips.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Without freedom of speech we wouldn’t know who the idiots are.

Breaking via Instagram:

Sorry about my behavior as of late. I have plastic in my brain.

Trending via Instagram:

Mario Kart gave me unrealistic expectations of how banana peels affect traffic.

Just landed via Discord:

First date idea: you transfer me all your crypto.

Just shared via X:

I’m a freak in the spreadsheets.

Live now on Pinterest:

Everyone’s an empath until I need to borrow some cash.

Live now on YouTube:

There is a house I drive by most days and I can never tell if they are having a yard sale or that is just how they live.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

62 shares on WeChat this month:

Please don’t buy my book on reverse psychology.

68 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I find it hard to believe I used to just answer my phone when it rang. No caller ID. No idea who was calling. Just picked it up and said “hello” like a goddam daredevil.

70 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sometimes I wish I could turn down the volume on certain people.

52 shares on Messenger this month:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, here’s Wonderwall.

57 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t want your hoodie, I want your still-beating heart presented to me in a box.

28 shares on TikTok this month:

I brake for no one, except squirrels.

28 shares on Twitch this month:

God, I’m not trying to rush you for my soulmate; but could I get the tracking number?

87 shares on Reddit this month:

In a room full of art, I’d still stare at you.

18 shares on TikTok this month:

I lied, there’s no sex. Stand over there and tell me if this painting I’m hanging is straight.

17 shares on Discord this month:

It’s Monday again and I’m about to make it everyone’s problem.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

When I write “I hope this email finds you well” I’m referring to the email’s skills in tracking you down.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Real introverts are too introverted to tell people they’re introverts.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My only knowledge of animals is that turtles like pizza and cats like lasagna.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The single star on Texas’ flag is actually a review.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Does everyone have that one colleague at work who puts you in a bad mood just by looking at them?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

The prime minister is a minister that is not divisible by any other minister.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m doing a terrific job of not getting anything done today.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Help, I accidentally used dark humor with normal people, and now they’re concerned for my mental health.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The only ‘survival horror’ game I play is called ‘getting up every day and leaving the house.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,683

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

I need a vaccine against overthinking.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

The billionaires have decided that the people with nothing have too much.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Imagine being a giraffe and having to throw up.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

The feminine urge to act clueless while knowing everything.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

You can have glossy lips or you can have a cat. You can’t have both.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

When there’s food around, our cat is like an adorable, fluffy shark circling round.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

She was rare. Like a meth head with good teeth.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Don’t put words in my mouth—that’s where the hot dogs go.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

Going back on a dating app is the new walk of shame.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, no, I shut it off and back on again. Why are you still here?

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Dating these days is like trusting a crackhead to come back with your change.

Spotted on YouTube:

Every Friday, I’m like, “This weekend I’m getting my life together,” and then… I don’t.

Seen just now on Messenger:

38% of being a dad is sitting in a car, looking at your watch, and waiting for everybody else to come out.

Spotted on Slack:

Turns out “YouTube rabbit hole” is not a reliable science degree.

Trending via Messenger:

Does my career know that I’m pursuing it, or is it another one-sided relationship?

Going viral on Instagram:

I find it sad that my universal remote does not control the universe. Not even remotely.

Just shared via Instagram:

Got the zoomies at work, and now HR is chasing me around with a butterfly net.

Breaking via Messenger:

Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Why do you assume it’s invalid to “make stuff up” during an argument? It shows initiative and creativity.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

If you’re offended by bacon, the United States of America isn’t for you.

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