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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Being naked with shoes on feels more naked than being totally naked.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Planking is the only time we appreciate time.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

I hate dealing with fresh garlic. Each individual clove with their little f***ing paperwork.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

My apologies to the Goodreads reviewer who found my novel about vampires on a submarine, “unrealistic.”

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Christmas is coming and you’re not.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Sorry I missed your call, I was staring in horror at the screen, wondering why on earth you couldn’t just text me.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Distance is my jam; solitude is my peanut butter.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Money is always a motive for murder. Stay broke.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

What an awful time to be even remotely aware of what is going on in the world.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,291

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Careful, “friend”. One more word about Shakira and you might find out just how fast I can draw this blade.

Making waves on Facebook:

I’m on a spinning rock in outer space, and I have to answer work emails.

Just landed via Threads:

Jackie Chan used to say “I don’t want trouble“ and then break everybody’s legs.

Going viral on Discord:

The hottest thing a man can do is exactly what he said he was going to.

Breaking via Reddit:

When I get bored on a Zoom meeting, I put a cursor under the speaker’s nose to make it look like they have a booger.

Spotted on Discord:

If you see me looking zoned out, it’s because I’m having a therapy session with myself in my head.

Making waves on Slack:

This gratitude journal looks a lot like a grocery list.

Seen just now on YouTube:

My bad habits got renewed for another season.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Sorry, I wasn’t really listening but that’s awesome, unless it isn’t of course.

Funny marketing idea quotes

New funny marketing idea quotes 👇

They should have made a pool raft that looked like a broken door when Titanic was in theaters. I bet it would have sold millions.

3 weeks ago

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All funny marketing idea quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on TikTok this month:

What would boomers do without their paper shredder?

36 shares on TikTok this month:

If I turned into a “teen wolf”, my first order of business would definitely be helping my basketball team get to the local championships.

96 shares on TikTok this month:

Quit keeping your enemies closer. No wonder you feel like shit.

20 shares on TikTok this month:

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

69 shares on Slack this month:

No more ragebaiting around me, please. Let’s try joybaiting, perhaps even lovebaiting.

27 shares on YouTube this month:

Instagram should let you extend the run of one story for another 24 hours if the intended target didn’t see it.

54 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It triggers the little girl in me when I feel like I’m not being listened to when I’m talking.

95 shares on Discord this month:

Can someone call my keys? I forgot where I put them.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

31 shares on X this month:

Gambling is all about getting something for nothing and spending thousands of dollars trying to do it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

You get your hands on a real serious pair of scissors and wonder what the hell they were doing with the regular ones.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

Dear LOL, thanks for being there when I have nothing else to say.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Political ads be like: send us money so we can send you more ads.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

What’s wrong with the people who come to visit on Sundays? Don’t they have a couch?

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Why are plane tickets so expensive? You’re going that way anyway, just give me a ride.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

Sure, you can invite more people to the plans we made 2 months ago. The more, the merrier. Also, I’m not going now.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

If life could stop teaching me lessons, that would be great.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Sorry, I said yippee when you took off your pants. Do you still think I’m hot?

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

I try to shoot all of my garbage into outer space, but usually it just lands in my neighbor’s backyard.

Making waves on Reddit:

I’m old enough to remember when rainbows were in black and white.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I don’t mind pulling your cart — I’ve been chasing the carrot anyway, and it’s in the same direction.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Sorry, boss, I can’t come in to work today, I’m gonna be playing outside.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I wouldn’t walk 500 miles, and then walk 500 more.

Making waves on Twitch:

My five-year plan is to get back my whimsy, joy, childlike wonder.

Just landed via WeChat:

Not leaving the house and not having contact with other people. The punishments of my childhood are now my hobbies.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I hate when I lose things at work, like my favorite pen or my will to live.

Just landed via Twitch:

Deleting the paragraph you wrote and texting back “ok” is a different type of self-control.

Making waves on Slack:

I just can’t watch football, there’s too much “penetration in the backfield” for me to not giggle like an immature maniac.

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Funny marketing idea quotes

New funny marketing idea quotes 👇

They should have made a pool raft that looked like a broken door when Titanic was in theaters. I bet it would have sold millions.

All funny marketing idea quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨