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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

My ex was like “I know a spot,” then took me to the lowest point in my life.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Sorry I’m late, my dog was sleeping in the shape of a donut and I had to take so many photos.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

That second wave of sleep after waking up too early.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your clothes are still in the washing machine.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

God: “I told you to love thy neighbor – not start trade wars with them.”

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

I see why grandmas used to cook dinner at 3 p.m. and sit down the rest of the day.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m a freak in the spreadsheets.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Wondering when these skinny jeans are gonna kick in.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

But if i put my laundry away, the laundry chair will be out of a job.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

New York is so awesome. Like, yes, let’s spend $108 for breakfast and walk past homeless people freezing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,734

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I don’t care for the term drug mule, why can’t it be a drug unicorn.

Just shared via Messenger:

Whenever someone says “Per ChatGPT” or “ChatGPT says,” I look at them like they just consulted a magic 8 ball because, please, stop playing with me.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Micro-dosing time travel by going to bed.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I need to go to jail for a while to catch up on all my reading.

Just shared via Messenger:

I want him in ways that are deeply deeply upsetting to modern feminism.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I’ve disappointed better people.

Spotted on Snapchat:

There are more bots on here than in Star Wars.

Live now on Slack:

Saturdays are for doing absolutely everything or doing absolutely nothing, everybody knows that.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Today’s the day I’m gonna’ make the onions cry.

Funny marriage humor quotes

New funny marriage humor quotes 👇

My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.

2 weeks ago

accident, accidentally, cheesecake, dessert, eating, finished, funny situation, hear, house, humor, husband, i, knocking, locked, locked out, marriage, marriage humor, rest, situation, weird

All funny marriage humor quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on Snapchat this month:

I had a healthy appendix removed, just to show the other organs that I will not tolerate any bullshit.

66 shares on Reddit this month:

My mother always told me, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.” Needless to say, I’m not much of a conversationalist.

78 shares on Telegram this month:

Last night my guardian angel came to me, covered me up, gave me a kiss on the forehead and whispered in my ear: “You’re a pain in the ass!”

80 shares on Facebook this month:

I thought my mixed signals were perfectly clear.

41 shares on YouTube this month:

My favorite part of parenting is when they’re asleep.

13 shares on Telegram this month:

Sometimes you just need to eat shredded cheese straight out of the bag.

49 shares on TikTok this month:

Mud season creeps up on us every year, destroying hearts and minds as well as light grey carpeting.

88 shares on Reddit this month:

I see stand-up comedy as a stepping stone to television. A few more paid gigs and I’ll be able to afford a television.

29 shares on Threads this month:

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched your unread books.

83 shares on Messenger this month:

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

A Southerner dies every time you people type “ya’ll” instead of “y’all,” btw.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Twitter needs a button that’s “bring back that tweet I was just starting to read before you automatically refreshed.”

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

I don’t hide from my problems, I just ignore them until they lose interest.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

You sound unhinged. Let’s go get mugshots.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

“Date” is just another word for: Jeez, had I known that before, I would have stayed home.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Current relationship status: sleeping diagonally across the bed.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

I wish my hair had as much volume as my mouth.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Giant-sized bag of candy: I’m resealable. Me: That won’t be necessary.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

I hate having a ton of anxiety and no energy. It’s like having a tank full of gas and no engine.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Engagement photo shoots are so funny as a concept. Like girl, we believed you.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

Why would anyone ever jump OUT of a cake?

Going viral on Messenger:

Much like a candle, I was tall when I was young, but I get shorter as I grow old.

Going bananas on Threads:

I’m at the age where, if you ask me to go out after 9 p.m., I’m definitely not coming.

Breaking via Slack:

I need a room full of mirrors, so I can be surrounded by losers.

Freshly posted on X:

I thought my friends in their 60s were making love in the other room but they were just putting on their socks.

Shared recently on X:

The first thing you learn to draw in art school is money from your parents bank account.

Making waves on Messenger:

Me, telling my kids we’re leaving in 30 minutes: We’re leaving in 5 minutes.

Spotted on YouTube:

People will think you know what you’re talking about if you give your opinion while cleaning a pair of reading glasses.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

The lack of a pope has got me acting wild.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Of course I wrote a grocery list. I carefully wrote it all down and then didn’t bring it with me, like my mother and her mother before her.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny marriage humor quotes

New funny marriage humor quotes 👇

My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.

All funny marriage humor quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨