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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

I grew up in a poor family. We didn’t have much, but we had each other. And that was the worst part.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

The sweet potato is the kindest vegetable.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

Every app is a dating app if you are creepy enough.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Has anyone ever considered that Dr. Pepper could be a gynecologist?

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

In the autumn there are two types of creatures who collect acorns: squirrels and toddlers.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

When I was little, I didn’t care what I wore. I just went along with what my parents chose. When I look in old photo albums, l realize that they didn’t care either.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

Carrots are a great thing to eat when you’re hungry, and want to stay that way.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Kind of miraculous how much love can be summoned and how much your day can be improved by just looking at an animal and saying stuff in a weird voice.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn. It’s dead yarn now though.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

I’m a total go with the flow kinda person as long as the flow is meticulously scheduled well in advance and there are no mid-flow changes whatsoever.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,523

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on X:

It really is Monday every 15 minutes.

Going bananas on Slack:

Imagine you get to the gates of heaven and they make you download an app to go in.

Shared recently on Reddit:

My Indian name would be “Stares at Phone All Day.”

Spotted on WeChat:

I alway get the same thing every year for Christmas. Fat!

Going viral on Messenger:

Stirring up shit at the wedding by going up to random people and saying “I think it’s so brave that you’re here”.

Spotted on WeChat:

Life isn’t funny, why should my posts be?

Trending via Instagram:

If pigeons could talk, they would bum a cigarette.

Shared recently on YouTube:

What happened to the art of just liking one person?

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Micro-dosing time travel by going to bed.

Just shared via Telegram:

I was really happy about it being Friday until I realized it was only Wednesday.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m an adult. I can do whatever I want. And yet, here I am just doing laundry, eating salads, taking antidepressants, flossing my teeth, and going on little walks. Like an IDIOT.

30 shares on TikTok this month:

Women don’t pretend anymore to dig for something in their purse and then pull out their middle finger.

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

Bloopers in movie credits is a lost art form.

71 shares on WeChat this month:

Manipulative people really be like “oh, so now I’m the bad guy for being the bad guy?”

92 shares on WeChat this month:

People who live in glass houses should install frosted glass around the toilet part.

32 shares on Threads this month:

I’ve successfully reduced phone time by looking at computer more.

69 shares on Messenger this month:

These quiet electric cars are really annoying. I have to stop scrolling and look up while walking outside now.

47 shares on Messenger this month:

Might start signing off emails with ‘well, I hope you’re happy’

21 shares on X this month:

Netflix subtitles be like “speaking foreign language”. Bro, translate it!

70 shares on X this month:

I like my women like I like my glasses: thick, transparent, and uneven.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Are you my pinky toe, because I will bang you on all my furniture.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Lingerie under a trench coat is still on my bucket list, by the way.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s interesting growing up and discovering that most adults are not that clever. I had my suspicions as a kid but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I got fired for telling customers if they wanted “smoking or non-smoking”. Apparently, the correct term in the funeral home business is “cremation or burial”.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Home is where you can walk around like a bum.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Filling my PEZ dispenser with Ibuprofen for whimsical pain relief.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I’ll pause a YouTube video to scroll on reels. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to be loved genuinely.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

In England “booster shot” is spelled “borchestershire shot”.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here making love.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I am AOL Instant Messenger years old.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,735

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

My favorite things about Twitter are that everything you read is true, everyone is nice, and all intentions are pure of heart.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Sometimes I’ll drink a ginger ale and eat a Biscoff cookie and sit up in kind of an unnatural position and pretend I’m on a Delta flight.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

The best part of being a bomb technician is that you can never have a bad day at work. The worst part of being a bomb technician is that you can never have a bad day at work.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Some of you have overdosed so hard on the propaganda, there’s nothing reality Narcan can do for you.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Wearing expensive perfume to work feels like such a waste. This should be under someone’s full body weight, not in a corporate setting.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

For Valentine’s Day, I’m gift-wrapping a shirt my husband hasn’t worn in years. It’s the thought that counts—and technically, I thought of it twice.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Cannabis has many benefits. For example, it makes you retarded. But in addition, it also makes you lazy. No worries though, it also makes you fat and insane.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I hate the sounds you make when you chew.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

The other day, I got the crazy idea to see if I could still do a cartwheel. I can’t.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Reddit:

Born to be a hater but forced to understand where you’re coming from.

Just landed via Pinterest:

To accommodate the size of my wife’s new water bottle, we’ve replaced the passenger seat of her car with a cupholder.

Seen just now on Telegram:

They should invent a Sunday that’s longer than a couple of minutes.

Trending via Facebook:

The only thing I miss from my past is that flat stomach I had.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Sorry I missed your call, I was staring in horror at the screen, wondering why on earth you couldn’t just text me.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

Breaking via Threads:

In my defense, I was left alone unsupervised.

Live now on X:

When you first meet a man, that fake version of him be so fire.

Making waves on Facebook:

I love talkative cats. Like, yeah, bro. Meow, meow! You’re so right.

Broadcasted on X:

The funniest thing about 28 Years Later is that the rest of the world just went “Uhm, anyway!” and carried on as normal, while the Brits live in hell.

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