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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

Whenever I’m with real yappers, I realize I might actually be a listener.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Signed an Executive Order that you have to give me a little forehead kiss.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a cardiac surgeon in the middle of heart surgery.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Autocorrect is like a tiny person inside your phone that sometimes gets drunk and says the dumbest things.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

You should always wear a helmet when doing dangerous things or talking about politics.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

If this meeting were any slower, it’d be a landscape painting.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

I can’t wait til I have hearing aids, so I can just turn them off when I’m tired of hearing everyone.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

No we can’t hangout, you’ll end up falling in love with me and I don’t have time for that.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

If my family starts talking politics at Thanksgiving, I’m changing the subject by announcing I’m pregnant.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Tried Adderall to help my productivity but now I’m just intensely aware of all the things I should be doing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

800 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,962

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,962

Updated

17 minutes ago

Users Online

3,442

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

My whole life is basically a blooper reel.

Spotted on Slack:

I’m so old, I used to cry as a child because I fell off my skateboard or bike, not because I didn’t have wifi.

Spotted on Twitch:

You can’t have everything… where would you put it?”

Just landed via Instagram:

Can I sell my feelings on ebay, I don’t want them anymore.

Reported on Discord:

I feel like people just come to the airport to cough.

Making waves on X:

I’m not religious, but if someone is turning water into wine, let’s take a second look.

Just shared via Reddit:

There should be a socially acceptable way to say, “I’m not sure what to say to that. Can you please say something different?”.

Just landed via Facebook:

The moon landing was faked. They actually went to Mars, and I can prove it.

Breaking via YouTube:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun not to be able to open that drawer.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Be warned: I’m bored. This could get dangerous.

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

800 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,962

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,962

Updated

17 minutes ago

Users Online

3,440

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

The goal is never Gucci bags. It’s acres of land.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Roses are red. Blue got me thinking. I reckon it’s time for some excessive day drinking…

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

My outdoor flowers are doing amazing this year because I left them at the garden center where they belong.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

The concept of a drive-by doesn’t really exist in the swamp biome; instead, people rap about doing bog-emerges.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Some people can start a task and then just finish it instead of trying to do a hundred things at once, like a squirrel on crack.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

I kind of enjoy living in a world where I can end a conversation by simply not texting back.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

I lost my appetite for doing work. If you find it, you can keep it.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Oligarchy sounds like something you dip your breadstick in at the olive garden.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

You don’t need to be a good listener as long as you’re a good nodder.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

Dear everyone. Upset, bored, angry or hungry. I’m here for you. Sincerely, fridge.

Reported on Messenger:

Surround yourself with people who google the menu of the restaurant beforehand.

Trending via Telegram:

I’ve used dark mode so much that I’m physically repulsed by white screens now.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Potato chips ARE vegetables! I exclaim as I tear open the third bag.

Just landed via Messenger:

As a wife and mother my hobbies include rage cleaning, rage cooking, and rage folding.

Going viral on Threads:

The question of whether an employer values its employees is sometimes answered by the toilet paper.

Breaking via Facebook:

If I ever had to fight a bear, I hope it’s a gummy bear.

Seen just now on Slack:

Spent most of the day making sure my couch still works. So far so good.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Adult friendships are like, “hey girl, let’s keep rescheduling to hangout until one of us dies.”

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I won’t be accepting any parcels for the neighbors in December this year. Last year it was all junk.

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