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5 months ago
Share →: The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.

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"Who needs an open mind when you can have an open bar? 🍹💡 Bottoms up for closed thoughts and open bottles! 🍻🧠 #Priorities"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

It’s a paradox that your nose is running and your feet smell.

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69 but we both just farting.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Wow, this was a really long day of playing on my phone.

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Just imagine if farting were as contagious as yawning.

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You can have glossy lips or you can have a cat. You can’t have both.

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I will play my favorite song until the artist comes out of my phone to ask for water.

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Shout out to myself for ruining my own life.

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They call it a coffin because they’re finally coughing up that inheritance.

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Waiting for my wife to approve my new year’s resolution of making independent decisions.

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Welcome to your 40s: that “teenager”over there is actually 27.

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Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Love those deep burps that instantly make me feel like I lost 10 lbs.

Spotted on Threads:

I’ve got midlife crises older than you.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

When I was young I fixed my parents’ computer and now that I’m older I fix computers for my kids. Are we the only generation that knows how computers work?

Going viral on Instagram:

Girls want a bad boy to fix. Boys want a good girl to corrupt. Me? I just want a rumbustious monkey as a butler.

Seen just now on Slack:

How inappropriate is it to ask a stranger to scratch your back? Need to know ten minutes ago.

Spotted on TikTok:

Not trying to brag but this cop says my rear end is smoking.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

The food hits different when it ain’t yours.

Making waves on Messenger:

Bro, are you a black hole, because you suck energy and light?

Reported on Pinterest:

Having an empty laundry basket is the best 5 seconds of my life.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Needing to stretch is so funny. Your body is like “Ughhh, make me longer!”

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Funny open mind quotes

New funny open mind quotes 👇

For even more funny open mind quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny open mind quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Fun fact: If Celine Dion sang only the vowels in her name, it would be the lyrics to Old McDonalds Farm.

Not to brag but I don’t even need meditation, my mind goes blank the second someone asks me for directions.

We should be able to take our arms off when we go to sleep, we have the technology.

If I complain about being out of shape, I don’t actually want fitness tips and workouts to try. I just want to complain and remain out of shape. What is wrong with you people?

When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

A few months after the wedding, Cinderella’s husband began to complain about her having too many shoes.

I don’t remember if I took my pills, but I can’t check because I can’t remember where I put my glasses.

“Thug life,” I whisper to myself as I check out my sunglasses in the mirror.

Get married and have kids so that you can Google things like “How to teach your kid to not bite”.

You want me to do Pilates? The thing that killed Jesus?

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

If I buy the circus, the monkey will be the manager.

Just because it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean that it ain’t gonna be a hell of a lot of fun.

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Remembering my youth, and a time where I could breath out of more than one nostril at once.

I haven’t worn a trench coat since a random man in his 60s said to me “what are you looking for, detective?”

I aspire to be a stay-at-home mom with no kids.

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