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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

I always say “morning” instead of “good morning”, because if it was a good morning, I’d still be asleep.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

I think my dad just eradicated a small village with his sneeze.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

I’m a single issue voter. I’m single and it’s an issue.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

I walked into a holiday party, saw someone else already playing with the dog, and realized they’d stolen my entire social strategy.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Apparently, when you treat people like they treat you, they get upset.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Back in the good old days, we didn’t have to trim our toenails, they just got wore down naturally from running from dinosaurs.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

People complain about jury duty as if listening to true crime all day and being sequestered at night isn’t secretly every mother’s fantasy.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Telling everyone I’m an undecided voter because I need the attention.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

As you get older, nothing loses its sting more than an authority figure saying they are disappointed in you. Like, I don’t know what to tell you, dude, we can’t both live in the prison of your expectations.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

I took my kids to the zoo when they were small, I wonder how they are getting on now.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

769 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,931

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,931

Updated

23 minutes ago

Users Online

3,434

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Snapchat:

Welcome to adulthood. Everyone’s tired here.

Trending via Slack:

Apparently, “I just don’t want to” is not a valid reason when your boss asks you why you’re not coming in today.

Just landed via Telegram:

My phone just filmed a 2 hour documentary about life inside my purse.

Spotted on Telegram:

Microsoft Teams needs to add a “spank” reaction for when I want to reprimand my employees during a video call.

Just landed via WeChat:

Not enough rap songs about stores suddenly changing their layout.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I shall have another coffee, for I am sleeping standing.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Hit the vape till it tastes like technology.

Trending via Twitch:

“Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have” is all well and good until you’re rocking a tutu.

Seen just now on Threads:

When you ask for your phone charger back and your teenager has the audacity to ask “what percentage are you on?”

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Fellas, be sure to never ask a lady any questions on a date. This makes them feel interrogated. Strong declarative statements only.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media need people procrastination relationship sarcasm social someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

769 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,931

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,931

Updated

23 minutes ago

Users Online

3,417

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Growing up, I didn’t think the expensive addiction that would ruin me would be Heinz ketchup, but here we are.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Girl talk is my favorite. You go from discussing goals to talking about shoes, to hating men, to planning a trip in six minutes.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

My muffin top has become a full blown birthday cake.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

If I’d married a wealthier man, I’d be lying on a fancier couch right now refusing to clean bigger rooms.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

I don’t think I’ve ever made the right amount of pasta.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

Day 12 without chocolate: Lost all hearing in my left eye.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Watching women’s tennis and getting angry at the net. We shouldn’t put needless obstacles in the way of women.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Math is like Chinese to me.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

My kids wanted a spooky story from the olden days so I told them the internet used to scream when you turned it on.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

If I was Snow White, you wouldn’t get me with an apple. You’d have to poison a taco or something.

Spotted on X:

Tried Adderall to help my productivity but now I’m just intensely aware of all the things I should be doing.

Just shared via Facebook:

That was the last cup of coffee in my life. From tomorrow I’ll be drinking straight from the pot.

Reported on Snapchat:

If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.

Breaking via YouTube:

Dating profiles should make you share a sound bite of you sneezing.

Just landed via WeChat:

Airlines be like: “Oh, wow. Oh, God. We didn’t think everyone would bring a bag!”

Just landed via Pinterest:

“Why don’t you tell us anything anymore?” I’ve updated my privacy policy.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Starting your day with an early morning run is a great way to make sure your day can’t get any worse than it started.

Shared recently on Slack:

Someone was saying that social media makes you miss out on your real life, but have you seen real life?

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