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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

I’m nearly qualified to be a weaver. My final exam is looming.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Nothing tests your patience like a group chat blowing up your phone.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Elections make you feel like we’re all in divorce court waiting to see who gets custody of us.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

Why are so many people going everywhere whenever I have to go anywhere?

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Cats clean themselves with their little fish breath mouths, but somehow they always smell like laundry detergent, vanilla, and happiness.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

He said he thinks I’m resilient to everything, so I thanked him, but on second thought, he may have low key called me a cockroach.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Oh, I have Christmas spirit. The question is: Do I mix it with coke or do I drink it neat?

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

I am like the weather. Temporarily friendly.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Congress taking an entire month off in a country where most people don’t get more than 2 weeks’ vacation is awesome.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,282

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Slack:

My bank account may not be full but my sink, laundry basket and arteries sure are.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Getting to the age where I’m like, “Oh, hopefully I’ll be dead by then.”

Just shared via Slack:

Funny that the Three Wise Men brought probably the three worst presents for a newborn baby.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Mayor of a small town is such a wild job. It’s like being the president of a country where you went to high school with the whole population.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Apparently, “spite” is not an appropriate answer to “What motivates you?”

Seen just now on X:

No matter how small you make that “unsubscribe” link, I’ll still find it.

Spotted on Reddit:

I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.

Just shared via Slack:

You look like you suck at Mario Kart.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

What archaeologists are really looking for is a hand digging back.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I ordered a new umbrella on Amazon and had it delivered straight to the lost and found office to maximize efficiency.

Funny percentages quotes

Funny percentages quotes add a hilarious twist to numbers and stats, making math way more entertaining! 🤣📊 Whether you’re a numbers nerd or just love a good laugh, these witty takes on percentages will brighten your day and maybe even make you rethink those boring spreadsheets. 😂💯 Get ready to chuckle at the unexpected side of stats and share the fun with friends! 🎉📈

New funny percentages quotes 👇

All funny percentages quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Tech enthusiasts: My entire house is smart. Tech workers: The only piece of technology in my house is a printer, and I keep a gun next to it so I can shoot it if it makes a noise I don’t recognize.

14 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sex is so embarrassing. Like, why did I want to do that to you?

48 shares on Reddit this month:

The problem with relationships these days is you don’t know if you’re the one being cheated on, or cheated with.

36 shares on Pinterest this month:

Apple want $3,500 for their Vision Pro. No thanks. I can look like a dork for free.

92 shares on Telegram this month:

Getting a wife is very powerful, because you get a personal psychic that will tell you things like, “Your keys are in the gray pants in the hamper,” and “He will ultimately betray you.”

62 shares on Reddit this month:

Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

57 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Nostalgia is mostly dumb nonsense, but movie rental stores were legitimately better than streaming.

72 shares on Messenger this month:

True friends don’t judge each other, they judge other people… together.

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

Unfollowers, take me with you!

74 shares on Discord this month:

I’m the type of person to go back to sleep and try to finish a dream.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope none of the people I vowed to “help hide a body” ever actually need my help.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Used shampoo containing caffeine. My hair is already on its way to work.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag, but I just stood up without making a sound. Don’t be jealous.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s crazy windy today. Trash is blowing everywhere, so watch out for your ex.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Asserting dominance by starting all my private DMs with “I hope this DM finds you well.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Two mysterious people live in my house. “Somebody” and “Nobody.” Somebody did it and nobody knows who.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I be skipping everyone’s stories but watch mine like 20 times.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I got 99 problems and money could solve at least 69 of them.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

His palm trees are Serengeti, destination wedding, luggage is heavy. There’s vomit on his tux already, Dollar store confetti.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Calling someone a “tough cookie” isn’t a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,676

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

This Dollar Tree energy drink has me seeing colors that aren’t available to the naked eye, yet.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Donuts have holes in them, just like acoustic guitars, but that’s pretty much where the similarities end.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Sleeping in now means waking up without the alarm clock, but still at the same time.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

My first thought upon waking up in the morning is “not again”.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Just once I’d like to read a medication label that says: Warning, may cause permanent weight loss, increased energy and wrinkle removal.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

As a kid, I was worried about randomly disappearing into the Bermuda Triangle forever. As an adult, I’m wondering how I can actually make that happen.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

I was guest-starring on The Love Boat when you woke me up. You’re dead to me.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

The best part about being married is having a permanent person to debrief with immediately after any social event.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

If there was a pill for procrastination… I’d probably take it tomorrow.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Sometimes being a woman is just trying to figure out if you’re hormonally sad, seasonally sad, or genuinely falling apart.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

Welcome to your 40s. A random back pain will be assigned to you shortly, and you’ll never know what flares it up every time.

Making waves on Instagram:

Me in hell: “So did it hurt when you fell from heaven.” Lucifer: “Get out!”

Shared recently on Instagram:

I don’t understand, “kill them with kindness”; can I use a lightsaber instead?

Just landed via Discord:

Sorry, I booped your nose, but I was really hoping it was a mute button.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!

Breaking via Discord:

Going through life with a signature I invented as a teenager.

Just landed via Messenger:

Remember when a series of unfortunate events was a book and not your life?

Making waves on Slack:

I could low-key really use a wish right now.

Trending via YouTube:

Giant-sized bag of candy: I’m resealable. Me: That won’t be necessary.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

A hot tub is basically a big bowl of human soup.

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