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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

I just start doing the Macarena when I want to end conversations now.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

You can be anything. Be the person who ends meetings early.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

I deserve a dragon after all I’ve been through.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Girls really only want one simple thing; and that one thing is all of your attention.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

“I’ll worry about it next time.” Me pissing off future me.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Becoming an adult was the worst thing I’ve ever done.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

When you wish you could tell someone that won’t stop talking “Okay, we’re out of time today”, just like a therapist.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

When I was young I fixed my parents’ computer and now that I’m older I fix computers for my kids. Are we the only generation that knows how computers work?

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

I am so out of shape right now, that if someone yelled “run for your life!” I’d be like “ya’ll go ahead, I’m meetin’ Jesus today!”

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

When the executioner asks me what my final words are, I’m just going to start filibustering.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,510

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Pinterest:

Yawning is the body’s way of telling you it has only 15% battery remaining.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Sorry I was late, I was waiting for my CVS receipt to finish printing.

Just shared via Telegram:

Laundry has to be the most sinister chore. Always waiting, always lurking.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I calculated my December budget and realized everyone is getting a hug for Christmas.

Trending via Slack:

I’m one of those lucky people that can eat whatever they want and not put on any clothes.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Bitcoin is just Kohl’s Cash for boys.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Ladies, repeat after me: “I was wrong and I am sorry!”

Shared recently on YouTube:

I bet before the band got popular, Barenaked Ladies concerts had a lot of pissed off attendees.

Shared recently on Discord:

Anyone who deals with customers on a professional basis should be allowed to hand out one face slap per day.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

My daily exercise routine involves running late, jumping to conclusions and pushing my luck.

Funny platform comparison quotes

New funny platform comparison quotes 👇

All funny platform comparison quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on Discord this month:

Just blocked a guy for accusing me of being “all talk”. On Twitter.

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Just because I can’t sing doesn’t mean I won’t sing.

16 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but my doctor says I have an irreversible terminal condition called aging.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Almost fell asleep while putting on the sweater because it got dark for a moment. That’s all you need to know about my morning state.

57 shares on Messenger this month:

We need a word for that weird feeling you get when you learn what a podcaster looks like.

96 shares on Reddit this month:

God, I was so happy when I was 18. I wasn’t at the time, but in retrospect I was.

71 shares on Pinterest this month:

You know when a donkey followed Shrek home and just kept talking? That’s what it’s like having kids.

42 shares on Facebook this month:

As soon as the sun comes back out, I want a beer. It’s science.

92 shares on Twitch this month:

I accidentally hit a parked car, so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”.

73 shares on WeChat this month:

Cigarette smell gotta be one of the worst smells in the history of smells.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I love coming home and being at home and sitting inside my home and staying home.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Let’s skip the getting-to-know-you phase. Just block me.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The nicest thing I’ve done for a date is turn up.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My morning yoga routine has really helped shift my lower back pain into my upper back.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My body feels like it’s aging in dog years.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Customers will say shit like, “Uhh, it’s asking me to remove my card?”

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I wonder if this next thunderstorm is thinking of me, too.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

If I climbed all the way to the top of Mount Everest and looked up, then I’d finally see the top of our family’s weekly laundry pile.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Let’s play a game called you bring me food and I eat it.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My kids are smart but sometimes they say dumb stuff like, “Mom, why do you always buy Snickers when you’re the only one who likes them?”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,593

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

And to my children, I leave 127 open tabs on Safari.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Not to sound like a potted plant, but sunlight and fresh air really make a difference.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

This meeting could have been a cake.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

You were promised to me 3,000 years ago.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Yeah, I work at the fart bar. Yup. I’m a fartender. Farts on me tonight!

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

I’ve decided to cut my carbs… into smaller pieces before eating them.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

My son put his dish in the sink so I rushed him to urgent care.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Church should be less preachy and more eat-y.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

“You don’t look 40.” How am I supposed to look?

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Staying weird for my own sanity.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

If Monday were available for purchase at IKEA, it would be called “Fekking Hell”.

Breaking via Threads:

Wolves are just dogs that nobody has called a “good boy” yet.

Breaking via Threads:

Have we checked all food to see if exploding it makes it into something better or did we just stop with corn?

Breaking via X:

Adulthood is saying “but after this week things will slow down a bit” over and over until you die.

Just shared via Instagram:

I hate when people are outside when I’m trying to parallel park. I need some privacy.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

How does one stop eating ice cream when there’s still some in the container?

Making waves on Telegram:

I feel like whoever named them rice cakes has never actually eaten a cake.

Just landed via Pinterest:

How old were you when you found out people in porn aren’t actually in love?

Live now on Threads:

I’ve done the math: If the month had 10 days, I would get by with my money.

Spotted on Facebook:

Losing jewelry is a different type of hurt.

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