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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Most guys probably just have a foot fetish because their first girlfriend was a sock.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

I’ve never seen a McDonald’s or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

You’ve never burned music to a CD, and it shows.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

If you bring an acoustic guitar to a bonfire, I’m going to assume it’s for fuel.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Three out of five times, my intuition is right. Not in casinos, though.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24 hours, I need more time to be ready for Monday.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

November moving quicker than two lesbians who met three days ago.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Blocking him isn’t enough. I need to watch his hairline recede.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Not now, I’m busy doing tax crimes on my abacus.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,437

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

Just landed via Slack:

If adulting had a return policy, I’d use it immediately.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.

Freshly posted on Slack:

If this meeting were any slower, it’d be a landscape painting.

Spotted on X:

Can hardly wait until my winter fat turns into spring rolls.

Just landed via Discord:

My morning routine is basically just me convincing myself not to go back to bed.

Going bananas on Messenger:

I like to be alone a lot; it’s nothing personal.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Airport beer at 6 a.m.? No problem. The airport is a lawless place that is free from judgment.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I’ve been locked out of Tinder because of “unusual activity”. I must’ve got a match.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I’ve decided to handle this like a mature adult, I’m telling your mom.

Funny purple onion quotes

New funny purple onion quotes 👇

The fact that someone looked straight at a purple onion and named it red onion really bothers me.

1 month ago

color, fact, food, humor, me, naming, observation, onion, purple, purple onion, red, red onion, someone, straight

All funny purple onion quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

39 shares on X this month:

What’s the opposite of FOMO? The feeling of knowing you made the right decision not going somewhere once you see or hear dispatches from it.

29 shares on Pinterest this month:

I accidentally take a screenshot of my phone background at least once a week.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

I identify as a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I go down when you really want me.

95 shares on YouTube this month:

The theory that two stacked beds can’t be converted into two regular beds has been debunked.

78 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t know why we traded horses for cars. Your car won’t stop in front of a river and be like, “no way dumbass, we aren’t going to make that.”

94 shares on Twitch this month:

My apologies to the Goodreads reviewer who found my novel about vampires on a submarine, “unrealistic.”

45 shares on Twitch this month:

Everyone gives pleasure in some way, one when they enter a room, the other when they leave it.

32 shares on Instagram this month:

My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. He screamed and shouted about the iceberg and how the ship was going to sink, but all they did was throw him out of the theater.

74 shares on Reddit this month:

Worst feeling in the world is when you are loyal to all your girlfriends but your favorite one is cheating on you.

98 shares on Telegram this month:

Life is strange. We come into the world with nothing, then we struggle for everything, and finally, we leave with nothing.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

A recent study showed that people who are reading this text thought they were learning something useful.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

There’s something so romantic about getting McDonald’s with a lover. Intimate perhaps.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Cats are the best authoritarians. You will do their bidding, and you will like it.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Wanna go back to my place and meow at each other?

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

No, I’m not stressed. I just constantly grind my teeth and clench my jaw for fun.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

“I’m so good at doing nothing. I wish I could get paid for it.”

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Twitter is like group therapy but everyone’s yelling and no one’s licensed.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Mud season creeps up on us every year, destroying hearts and minds as well as light grey carpeting.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

No, I wasn’t dancing. I got harassed by a bumble bee.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Discord:

Can anyone recommend some good places for somebody just getting into visiting?

Shared recently on WeChat:

I can’t believe I slept good all night. What a rush.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

If you’re looking for another bad decision, I’m here.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

You don’t use a semicolons correctly; you use a semicolon confidently.

Making waves on Instagram:

Going to have a hobbit boi summer (throw a huge birthday party for myself, then mysteriously vanish right after insulting everyone).

Seen just now on Snapchat:

The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat. It’s watching what other people eat.

Just shared via WeChat:

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

Spotted on Telegram:

Deleted all my dating apps. I’m ready to find the love of my life in World of Warcraft.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Just caught a moth and sent it back outside. Feeling like Mr. Miyagi.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I’ve got midlife crises older than you.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny purple onion quotes

New funny purple onion quotes 👇

The fact that someone looked straight at a purple onion and named it red onion really bothers me.

All funny purple onion quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨