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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

I once let a really short guy be the big spoon and it felt like I went to bed with a backpack on.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

I can’t wait until my kids have a place of their own so I can come barging through their door and say “what’s for dinner? I don’t like that. Can you give me money for McDonald’s?”

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

I was raised to be humble which I excel at cause I excel at everything.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

These weekends are starting to feel as long as a lunch break.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

They should invent a grocery store that’s just for me and no one else.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

January is the Monday of the year.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Drove by a woman with her car broke down, I was going to stop and help until I remembered I don’t know anything about cars or women.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Websites need to realize that no one ever, ever wants the site to be able to send them notifications.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

They should make a movie that’s good the whole way through.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

Doomscrolling: because who doesn’t love anxiety as a hobby?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,706

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

At the job interview with one AirPod in.

Making waves on Messenger:

I get it, drug commercials. I too like to dance while I describe all my side effects.

Making waves on Telegram:

Olympic gymnast: does the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Announcer: Oh dear, that will be a point deduction.

Spotted on TikTok:

I always leave my friends voicemails in case they suddenly decide to be a musician and need an interlude.

Seen just now on Discord:

Opening up is like talking to a cop: anything you say can and will be used against you.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

The urge to pee in the morning is so aggressive. Bro, like, chill we’re getting there. Don’t threaten to come out.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Apparently it’s inappropriate to yell out “Shots, shots, shots, shots” while your child’s getting immunizations at the pediatrician’s office.

Freshly posted on Slack:

“Your password is too weak.” OK, well, I created him in my image.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Where does everyone go to get kisses? I haven’t figured this out yet.

Going viral on YouTube:

Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

Funny rehab quotes

Funny rehab quotes bring a light-hearted touch to the journey of recovery and self-improvement. 🌟😄 Whether you’re in the midst of rehab or just in need of a laugh, these quotes offer a humorous perspective on the challenges and triumphs of the process. So, embrace the humor and enjoy a good chuckle as you navigate the ups and downs of rehab! 🚀😂

New funny rehab quotes 👇

By the time he entered rehab, Popeye was more spinach than sailor man.

1 month ago

addiction, cartoon, food, humor, man, Popeye, rehab, sailor, spinach, time
Good morning, especially if they tried to make you go to rehab and you said “no, no, no.”

1 month ago

amy, Amy Winehouse, denial, fun, good, humor, morning, rehab, winehouse
Rehab is a great place to meet people that like Piña Coladas and getting caught in the rain.

1 month ago

addiction, addiction recovery, caught, colada, getting, great, humor, meet, meet people, people, piña, piña colada, place, rain, recovery, reference, rehab, socializing, song, song reference
Is there a rehab for introverts who try to extrovert? Asking for a friend.

1 month ago

asking, awkwardness, extrovert, friend, humor, interaction, introvert, personality, rehab, social, social interaction, try

All funny rehab quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

96 shares on WeChat this month:

My doubters will become my grouters when I remodel the bathroom of success.

50 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I was dismayed to hear the story of Rumpelstiltskin. I had no idea he was like that outside of work.

100 shares on Messenger this month:

I am simply too intelligent to be happy.

10 shares on Instagram this month:

Money does not buy happiness, but it’s better to cry in a sports car than on a bicycle.

52 shares on WhatsApp this month:

How to have flat stomach: remove all of your organs.

76 shares on Messenger this month:

Shoutout to Netflix for being the only one that checks in on me every few hours. “Are you still watching?” Yeah, babe, thank you for asking.

51 shares on Threads this month:

As a kid, I was worried about randomly disappearing into the Bermuda Triangle forever. As an adult, I’m wondering how I can actually make that happen.

93 shares on WeChat this month:

You are the Monday of my life.

100 shares on Instagram this month:

It amazes me how many battles in the first two years of the Civil War were decided by which side woke up the earliest.

56 shares on Reddit this month:

January: the Monday of months.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Phone so dry, I caught myself checking the weather.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My kids couldn’t care less about personal hygiene unless we are running late somewhere.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

A girl hating you is a million times better than her calling you a ‘nice guy’.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I will marry a tall, masculine, lovey-dovey man who can’t breathe when I ignore his existence.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Please stop fighting with each other on the internet and start fighting with each other in real life. Life is short.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I sent you a message telepathically and you didn’t respond. Are you mad at me?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Becoming a psychic for the foreseeable future.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Relationship tip: Make sure you’re the crazy one.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

If I was an outlaw in the Wild West, my face would be on unwanted posters.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,532

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Smart people are like huskies. If you don’t give them an interesting problem, they become an interesting problem.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Best tips for saving money: lay down and don’t move.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Lack of sex really gets you mad at every little thing for no reason.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

I could put my keys in the same spot every day, but why deprive myself of a treasure hunt that makes me late.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Blocking someone isn’t enough; I need their PornHub videos to always buffer, just as they’re about to climax.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Thunder is fake. It doesn’t even sync up properly with lightning. There’s some guy who waits till he sees lightning and then he presses the thunder button.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Water is a drink whose flavor is its temperature.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Tonight I will make history, by turning off incognito mode.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

You ever go to a baseball game and hear a guy yelling, “hot dogs! hot dogs!” over and over again? That’s me, looking for hot dogs.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

A guy waited exactly 3 days to text me. Someone’s been studying the ancient scrolls of 1980s dating advice.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Seen just now on TikTok:

This world is extremely kind to men, so I am not.

Seen just now on Threads:

I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I’m hilarious.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I’ll marry your mom just so I can ground you.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I sexually identify as a microwave dinner, because I am ready in 5 minutes, look nothing like my photos, and I’m just satisfying enough for you to want me again when you’re desperate.

Just shared via TikTok:

That moment when you’ve gone through Insta, Facebook, X and the new emails and you know you should start working now. Luckily, there’s YouTube.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Sorry, I’m poor, I can’t afford to pay attention.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Marriage is like a phone call at the night: First there’s the ring, and then you wake up.

Just shared via WeChat:

Aliens traveled millions of light years to get here to visit New Jersey.

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