Funny Savage Garden quotes

96 shares on Facebook this month:

Sometimes I’ll drink a ginger ale and eat a Biscoff cookie and sit up in kind of an unnatural position and pretend I’m on a Delta flight.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

The lion does not concern himself with the few small drops of pee that got on his boxers at the urinal even after he did a few shakes to be sure.

38 shares on Snapchat this month:

Does anyone else run a used match under water before disposing of it because you’re afraid it still has some fire left in it, or are you normal?

35 shares on Telegram this month:

I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated, but I stand corrected.

97 shares on Discord this month:

Every McDonald’s should have a flag they fly at half mast when the ice cream machine is down.

76 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I regret to inform you that the secret to appearing well-read is to read.

17 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Good morning, especially if they tried to make you go to rehab and you said “no, no, no.”

67 shares on Threads this month:

Hear me out, a Q-Tip that doesn’t bounce out the trash can when you throw it away.

46 shares on Twitch this month:

Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.

65 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m convinced the washing machine is a portal to another dimension for socks.