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Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Honestly, I don’t even play an active role in my life any more. Things just happen and I’m like “I guess this is what we’re doing now.”

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Apologies for the delays. The suitcase smashing machine has broken down, so we’re having to smash suitcases by hand.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

You told your cat how much you love him, but now it’s morning, the sun is out, you’re sober, and it’s just weird for both of you.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Having a sunburn is so humiliating. Now everyone knows I was unprepared for the realities of the wilderness. It marks me as the weakest link. The hungry animals are closing in.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Some people are like sunglasses: your day just becomes so much brighter when you accidentally drop them off the side of the boat.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

When you wish you could tell someone that won’t stop talking “Okay, we’re out of time today”, just like a therapist.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Carrying a conversation counts as cardio.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

I can’t wait til I have hearing aids, so I can just turn them off when I’m tired of hearing everyone.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

Not to be dramatic, but when I accidentally save a file twice and it adds that (1) at the end, it is the worst moment of my life.

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

When I was a kid, we still ate noodles. Then at some point we ate pasta. Today, we only eat carbs.

Trending via Twitch:

Some of these fake tans look like an old Tupperware container that’s had marinara sauce in it.

Seen just now on Slack:

According to my chocolate advent calendar, there are only 4 days until Christmas.

Live now on WeChat:

My search history is filled with me googling regular words just to make sure I’m using them right.

Live now on Messenger:

This could have been an email. Me, while attending a wedding ceremony.

Live now on Snapchat:

Taking a Hooters waitress on a date to a different Hooters on her night off.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

‘Tis the season to wrap objects in colorful paper with the fine motor skills of a T-Rex.

Live now on TikTok:

Everyone’s all up in arms about how undemocratic the electoral college is and yet we let our weather be decided by a single unelected groundhog.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Cursing after hitting oneself can reduce the pain by up to 50%.

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My social circle is so small that when the phone rings, I know it’s scammers.

3 weeks ago

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86 shares on Snapchat this month:

She was my chai, I was her cake rusk.

34 shares on Twitch this month:

Say what you want about online meetings, but there are few things more liberating than attending a disciplinary hearing naked from the waist down.

59 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Having a nicotine addiction is basically just adding a new base layer to Maslow’s hierarchy for no reason.

48 shares on Instagram this month:

Whoops, lost myself for about eight years there.

38 shares on Instagram this month:

Online shopping gives me a reason to live for another 3-5 business days.

37 shares on Snapchat this month:

College core: you sit in the class for attendance, then go home and teach yourself.

32 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My mom didn’t raise a fool. Possibly a psycho, but never a fool.

40 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I haven’t broken a mirror lately, but my water broke and I’ve had seven years of kids crawling into my bed.

42 shares on Twitch this month:

I, unfortunately, was born without any interest in Avatar.

44 shares on Telegram this month:

Welcome to college, where every single person is smarter than you, except for the three people in your group project.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Being quiet in a room full of loud people is my favorite sport.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

The laundromat should give you XP and ranks like “Slimelord” and “Glunkfather,” based on how dirty your clothes are.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

No matter how much Polynesian food you eat, you always want Samoa.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

The easiest diet is lack of money. You don’t have to do anything.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Need to shave my legs again. Blow-drying takes far too long.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Back in the day, you used to have to listen to records backwards to discover conspiracy theories.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

I changed my password to ‘incorrect’ so whenever I forget it, the computer tells me it’s incorrect, and I’m like, ‘Wow, you didn’t have to be so rude about it.’

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

The closer you are to nature, the further you are from idiots.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

My psych professor asked if we’d heard of Pavlov. I said, “It rings a bell.” No one laughed; I’m too witty for this class.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I hate when someone you love says mean things like, “It’s time to wake up.”

Making waves on Discord:

Do men know they don’t have to keep their clothing until it disintegrates?

Making waves on Snapchat:

Why would I spend money on the zoo when I can watch my colleagues for free?

Seen just now on Discord:

Distance is my jam; solitude is my peanut butter.

Just shared via YouTube:

My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I hate it when someone gives me a valid solution to my problem and I have to find something new to complain about.

Making waves on X:

What electric cars and diarrhea have in common is the fear of not making it home.

Shared recently on Discord:

Only at 27 do you become old, and then when you turn 30, you become younger than ever. That’s just how it goes.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I hope this is the year my teen learns how to turn off a light when she leaves a room.

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Funny scammer quotes

New funny scammer quotes 👇

My social circle is so small that when the phone rings, I know it’s scammers.

All funny scammer quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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