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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Letting her be the passenger princess cause I care about my safety.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

“Boy, you made these perimenopausal ovaries come back to life,” – me flirting.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

I love how these vegans still drink water. That’s a fish’s house!

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

When I was a kid, we weren’t allowed to use our phones in school. Mainly because the cords wouldn’t reach.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious. Like, what the hell was that?

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Had to sit with a straight face while my landlord told me I was paying his rent and mortgage for him.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Me at war: You guys mind if I leave a bit early today?

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Would rather walk around a shop 500 times to find something than ask a member of staff who works there like a normal person.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Because it is Friday, I will allow one beautiful woman to invite me for drinks.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,512

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

No open job postings for “Warrior Poet” found in your area. Please try another search.

Shared recently on Slack:

The cool thing about being a procrastinator is, really bad ideas also don’t ever make it off the ground.

Trending via Slack:

Everyone is always talking about raising money for dogs without homes, but what about the ones who don’t have cars?

Just shared via LinkedIn:

My body cracks like a glow stick every time I move, but refuses to light up.

Going bananas on WeChat:

I’m the ick in fantastic.

Breaking via Pinterest:

So many mistakes to make, so little time.

Breaking via Messenger:

If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

Just landed via Twitch:

“You’ve changed!” Yeah, I don’t like you.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

Going viral on Snapchat:

The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

Funny serpent quotes

New funny serpent quotes 👇

Women only want one thing, and it’s the power to cast men who tell us to smile right into a pit of giant venomous serpents.

2 days ago

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All funny serpent quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

94 shares on Facebook this month:

No, babe, your 10-minute incremental alarms starting a full hour before you actually get up only make me love you more.

56 shares on TikTok this month:

I just want someone who can read a book with me in silence, and then do ungodly things sometimes.

13 shares on Slack this month:

I need a reasonable job. Something like $3,000 an hour. Nothing too wild.

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Nature just builds 30 foot trees. Without even pulling a permit.

18 shares on TikTok this month:

The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.

27 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sane is boring.

60 shares on Pinterest this month:

Would pay $10 a month for Summer Premium Package without wasps.

80 shares on Slack this month:

In the 90s, you’d always find your way to some stranger’s house.

12 shares on Pinterest this month:

I love when toddlers passionately talk to you about absolutely nothing.

26 shares on Slack this month:

I know so many people with cats, and only a tiny number of them went to a shelter and picked out a cat. Everyone else I know with a cat has a story that’s like, ‘Yeah, he just moved in.’

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Little kid on the plane to Boston says “do they speak English there?” and his mom says “kinda!”

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

The best time to start a family fight is now. It gets you out of buying relatives gifts.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

One week without chocolate. I can no longer hear anything in my left eye.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

The history of mankind would have been completely different if Adam and Eve had been Chinese. They would have left the apple hanging and eaten the snake.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

The problem with relationships these days is you don’t know if you’re the one being cheated on, or cheated with.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Take me down to the Moria city, where the girls are green and the boys are stinky… and even Gandalf said ‘Nope, too freaky!’

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Never understood when the movie rating says “May contain nudity.” Are there people on the ratings board who aren’t sure if they just saw someone naked?

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Nike: Just Do It! Me: I don’t want to.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

If you want to make your mother proud, make her my mother-in-law.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

When you’re sad, find two equally sad friends and form a cryangle.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I’m going crazy, y’all. Coming with me?

Going viral on Messenger:

Fun fact: Did you know that removing junk food from your diet can help you lose up to 90% of your will to live?

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

This year for Thanksgiving, I’ll probably bring what I brought last year… shame upon the family.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I was gonna get on the treadmill, but then the couch will get sad.

Shared recently on Threads:

Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Have you ever met someone and thought that you couldn’t wait to spend the rest of your life without them?

Freshly posted on X:

I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

Spotted on Facebook:

Every time I think I’m cooked, God moves mountains for me. That’s so nice of Him.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I feel like everyone who has ever had a hamster has some kind of traumatic experience with it.

Going viral on Threads:

Stop blaming everyone for your problems. Pick one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny serpent quotes

New funny serpent quotes 👇

Women only want one thing, and it’s the power to cast men who tell us to smile right into a pit of giant venomous serpents.

All funny serpent quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨