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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

I feel so discombobulated when supermarkets switch up the aisles without texting me first.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

The best proof that fairy tales are fictional is the fact that the prince is always an intelligent and handsome single man.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Either you’re violently frolicking with me or you’re violently frolicking against me.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

I think Australians should have to go three rounds in the ring with a kangaroo before they eat him.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

You try to fart in the toilet in the morning without waking the whole house and thanks to the brilliant acoustics of the toilet bowl, the horn of Gondor sounds.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

All my life choices led me to this post right here, and if that’s not an indictment of free will, I don’t know what is.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

I don’t like being asked “are you at home?” Please expand further so I can know whether I’m at home or not.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Have you guys heard of recency bias? I hadn’t, but now I’m seeing it literally everywhere. Must be a big deal.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Bragging about how I’ve “really turned my life around recently” without mentioning in which direction.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

I was actually a little too thankful yesterday so today I’m going to even it out with some ungratefulness and entitlement.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

786 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,948

Funny Quotes Topics

13,918

Funny Quotes Images

10,948

Updated

58 minutes ago

Users Online

3,418

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

I spend all day on Facebook so that Mark Zuckerberg can eat.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

“You look tired”. No, I’m just ugly.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Do men know they don’t have to keep their clothing until it disintegrates?

Spotted on X:

She’s got style, she’s got grace, she crams french fries in her face.

Making waves on Instagram:

I accidentally poured vodka on my orange juice this morning. Twice.

Spotted on Instagram:

Sorry about all the mean stuff I said when I was right.

Making waves on Snapchat:

In a parallel universe, Mariah Carey is doing her shopping and is sick of hearing me on every store’s speaker system.

Shared recently on Telegram:

My wife is pretty excited about going away this weekend so I’m not sure she knows I’m coming with her.

Live now on Messenger:

I’m an optimist and i understand how annoying that is.

Reported on Pinterest:

Writers should get a direct line to the FBI so we can call them and give them a heads up when we’re googling ways to poison someone but just for a story.

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Funny social embarrassment quotes

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

786 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,948

Funny Quotes Topics

13,918

Funny Quotes Images

10,948

Updated

58 minutes ago

Users Online

3,433

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

I never sit around waiting for anyone except for the pizza delivery guy.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

I’m not shaking hands anymore. You may bow or kneel down.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

My goal was to look good in a bikini this summer, but the call of the barbecue is stronger.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

Having a teenager is fun because the voice in my head that questions everything I do now has a friend.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

I’m probably like this because I drank water from the hose.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

By the time I remember to text back, it be too disrespectful to even do it.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Like, who are those little paper umbrellas trying to protect?

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Some days you’re the bat, some days you’re the ball.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

I have some cake and now I’m eating it too. Not seeing the problem here.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Video games are great. They let you try out your craziest fantasies. For example, on The Sims, you can have a job and a house.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Now that I have a standing desk, I’m adding manual labor to my resume.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

That pile of clothes on my bed, seems to have strange powers and gets higher on its own.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

Just landed via X:

Cigarettes are a better networking tool than LinkedIn could ever dream of being.

Just landed via Messenger:

Money enters like Beyoncé and exits like Britney.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Blackout curtains because I’ll decide what time it is.

Trending via Pinterest:

Marry the man who treats your dumb questions like they’re NASA-level problems.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

If history repeats itself, I’m getting a pet dinosaur.

Just shared via Facebook:

You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

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