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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Your life can’t fall apart if you never had it together.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Why the hell did they name them ‘Soldier ants’ and not ‘Combatants’?

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Awake? You may be entitled to compensation.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Every single morning, I have to get out of bed and do things, and it’s bullshit.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

All the clouds have come out to play today.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

If I were to “picture everybody in the room naked,” I would be stunned and in awe of the beauty and diversity of the human form before me. But thanks for the advice.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Pretending I’m asleep so my boss has to carry me to the meeting.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

When I see chocolate, I hear two voices inside me. One says: “Eat it!”. The other says: “Did you hear that? You’re supposed to eat it!”

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

I received a bank alert text for suspicious activity. I was buying fruit.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Is this simulation from Temu?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,616

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

We like to vilify hot people, but it’s important to know that people who aren’t hot are also terrible.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Did anyone else use grocery bags as textbook covers, or was I just that poor?

Shared recently on Slack:

There aren’t enough hours in the day for me to do absolutely nothing.

Live now on Threads:

I’m always a little mean to men because, if you treat them like humans, they think you wanna sleep with them.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Do people still actually eat 3 meals a day, or do we all just survive off of stress and iced coffee?

Breaking via Twitch:

I like how people say “travel safely” like I’m the one flying the plane.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Remember when the most annoying thing about Twitter was trying to think of a shorter word.

Just landed via Reddit:

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

My sister: snowboards. My brother: skateboards. Me: charcuterie boards.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on WhatsApp this month:

According to a study, people believe anything that starts with ‘according to a study’.

88 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t even believe myself when I say I’ll be ready in 5 minutes.

47 shares on Facebook this month:

My biggest sexual fantasy is someone throwing a million dollars on my naked body and then leaving me alone.

35 shares on Discord this month:

Shoutout to everyone who remembers their childhood landline number but can’t recall the password they made yesterday. You’re my people.

26 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Twitter sucks so much, but randomly there are such funny tweets, so I wait, like a frog, for one delicious fly.

72 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Who called it asking the waiter about the specials and not retrieving data from the server?

74 shares on Snapchat this month:

When you turn 50, they change the lightbulb in your fridge to that memory eraser from Men in Black.

46 shares on Facebook this month:

Getting a wife is very powerful, because you get a personal psychic that will tell you things like, “Your keys are in the gray pants in the hamper,” and “He will ultimately betray you.”

61 shares on Pinterest this month:

Moving houses/apartments gotta be top 3 worst human experiences.

76 shares on WhatsApp this month:

A degree in international law is about as real as a degree in Dothraki.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Sleeping in is the most efficient way to find out which morning rituals you can actually do without.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Bold of you to assume I have the energy to even climb a hill to die on.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If a woman says “Do what you want!”, then for God’s sake don’t do what you want!

25 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s Mother’s Day Eve so remember to leave out a bottle of wine for Mom when she comes down the chimney.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Corporate life requires an ass-licking skill set I simply wasn’t born with.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Sleep when the baby sleeps, eat when the baby eats, work when the baby works.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

150 years ago, you could just fake your death and go overseas and live a completely different life if you didn’t like the way the cards were originally dealt.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

My neighbor told me he heard me having sex this morning. I was putting on my shoes.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I set up my Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, Mary, Joseph and all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Headed to a wedding but my wife said I’m not allowed to refer to the bride as ‘the veiled threat.’

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,404

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

I’m not “dating to marry” or “dating for fun.” I’m dating for a secret third reason.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

Watering plants qualifies as a hobby.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Sometimes the whole point of going out is to then really savor coming back home.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

If I ever get the death penalty, I hope “by chocolate” is an option.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

I really don’t believe all of these women are actually named “Sassy”

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Bob is my nickname. Robert is my nicholasname.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

When the devil couldn’t reach me, he made my brain my biggest enemy.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

That pile of clothes on my bed, seems to have strange powers and gets higher on its own.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout, touchscreens, or money before.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Donuts are beautiful creatures, and they deserve their own week on the nature channels.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

I really thought impromptu dance-offs were going to be more common.

Trending via Telegram:

Billionaires didn’t get rich by working harder. They got rich by making sure you work harder, get paid less, and spend more.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

When someone sits in the empty seat beside you: flattered yet annoyed. When no one sits in the empty seat beside you: offended yet relieved.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Ever woken up, kissed the person sleeping next to you and felt glad to be alive? I just did, so I won’t be catching this train again.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

When I don’t have money, I stop talking to women out of respect.

Trending via WeChat:

An orgasm before bed is nature’s strongest sleep aid.

Just shared via Slack:

My soulmate probably seen my posts and deleted me.

Live now on Facebook:

Are you in love with me yet or do I have to post another Spotify link?

Broadcasted on Reddit:

My favorite part about talking to my teens is when they give me direct eye contact, listen intently, nod understandingly and then do the exact opposite of what I just said.

Seen just now on TikTok:

After ejaculation, men automatically realize that everything is vanity upon vanity.

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