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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

When you accidentally laugh at your own thoughts, and now people are staring.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

I really want a family… sized bag of peanut butter M&Ms.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

Sorry for not keeping in touch. I literally have nothing to say.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Women are actually very understanding if you’re honest with them, especially if they like you. You don’t even have to do all that lying.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Next time I die, I’m going to make sure I’m reincarnated someplace other than Earth.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

The best part about your kids being sick is you get to see exactly how shitty you’re going to feel in 48 hours.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

No thanks, I’m already in a committed relationship with reading.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

There should be a special rating system for movies that tells you how uncomfortable you’ll be if you watch them with your parents.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Dancing alone in your home is its own kind of therapy.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Follow your dreams – ideally in a field that will still require humans when you graduate.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,665

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

“Why do I feel like shit all the time?” I ask myself, while staring into the flashlight that tells me bad news.

Seen just now on Discord:

We have decided to sell the house. How long do you think it will take for our landlord to find out?

Freshly posted on Discord:

I have heard that people without dogs have to pick up dropped food themselves.

Trending via WeChat:

Nutrition labels should include an “What if I ate the whole thing” section.

Going viral on Telegram:

The trouble with living alone is that it’s always my turn to do the dishes.

Seen just now on Instagram:

“And on the 7th day he rested”. Obviously God had not yet created laundry at that point.

Shared recently on Facebook:

When fireworks were invented, it was ‘hisssss’ to ‘wheeeee’ in the making.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Will someone please make me drink some water and limit my screen time?

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I’m going to break into your house and steal that thing with the little wheels on it under the plate in your microwave.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

If you need me, I’ll be in the shower pretending I can sing.

Funny ziplock quotes

New funny ziplock quotes 👇

If you wish me a happy Thanksgiving, don’t be surprised if I whip out a ziplock bag and ask you to bring me home some leftovers.

7 days ago

bag, bring, food, happy, holiday, home, humor, leftover, me, request, Thanksgiving, wish, ziplock, ziplock bag

All funny ziplock quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Nothing is more awkward than trying to tell an online joke to offline people.

42 shares on YouTube this month:

The evening news: Where they begin with “Good evening” and then proceed to tell you why it’s not.

81 shares on Reddit this month:

My ducks may not be in a row, but at least they’re having fun. Your ducks probably hate you for making them line up like that.

36 shares on WhatsApp this month:

(Most depressed guy you’ve ever met) I’m doing pretty good.

80 shares on Slack this month:

Starting your most incoherent sentence with “put simply” to deflect blame onto the reader.

32 shares on Slack this month:

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

48 shares on Messenger this month:

I keep pressing the space bar, but I’m still on Earth.

16 shares on Instagram this month:

Be the nonsense you wish to see in the world.

90 shares on Instagram this month:

I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

47 shares on WeChat this month:

The second date is you watching me parallel park and trying not to have a stroke.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Resting bitch face saves me from so many conversations I don’t want to be part of.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Not being able to see Likes on posts is a tragedy. Love it when two people are arguing and you can see all their little backup dancers.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Life stopped being real after 2019 anyways.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

Signatures are so unserious, just “pinky promise” for adults. Write your name in a silly little way on this very important piece of paper so we that we can send you to jail if you do anything wrong.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

When people block me, I just assume it’s for my rugged good looks and killer jawline.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

He called me delusional, but I think he meant delicious.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Shout out to all the experts on the web who know everything there is to know about absolutely everything.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

I need to eat healthier but donuts exist.

Live now on Twitch:

Men be like, “You’ve been different ever since I disrespected you.”

Shared recently on TikTok:

“You look tired.” Yes, bro, I stayed up all night obsessing over things I have no control over.

Breaking via X:

One pretty important part of being a dad is walking faster than the rest of your family through an airport.

Trending via WeChat:

Self-esteem’s so bad my fantasies are hurting my feelings.

Just landed via Reddit:

I don’t understand why banks get so mad when you can’t pay back your loan. You already knew I had no money when I came to borrow it.

Making waves on WeChat:

Take one positive friend and one negative friend with you on your next road trip. That way when your battery dies, you can hook cables to them and start your car.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Polar bears drinking Coca Cola is my favorite holiday vibe.

Trending via Discord:

I can’t wait to buy Chanel bags on a random Tuesday for me and my friends.

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Activity Log ✨

Funny ziplock quotes

New funny ziplock quotes 👇

If you wish me a happy Thanksgiving, don’t be surprised if I whip out a ziplock bag and ask you to bring me home some leftovers.

All funny ziplock quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨