Gatekeeping how insanely handsome I am by looking like total shit all the time.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Wolves should really raise more people.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

90% of parenting is wondering when you can lie down again.

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“AI is coming for your jobs!” I would love to see AI be unemployed.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Procrastination isn’t a horrible thing. I mean, you always have something to do tomorrow… plus you have nothing to do today.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

A dating app for people who are way too into cookies, called Crumble.

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I’m not a good fit for the traditional job market because my greatest strengths are challenging authority, being self-righteous, and wanting to go home.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Two of the best things in life are laughing and orgasms. I want to make you do both a lot.

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It’s now socially acceptable again to clap when the plane lands.

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Happy birthday to everyone, for the rest of your lives. I can’t do this anymore.

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I hope the next time you’re stressed, it’s because you’re choosing between Japan, Bali, Switzerland, or the Maldives.