Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Flex on strangers by asking them if they remember you.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

If you’re going to stare all night and not say hello, do you mind taking your fingers and squishing my head from across the room?

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Gravity called. It’s sick of holding me up.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Having to pay to read scientific and scholarly articles is a really disgusting and pathetic practice.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

I hate starting new relationships. I gotta act like I ain’t crazy for two months.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

If your girlfriend doesn’t go a little psycho on you from time to time, then she’s not in love with you, sweetie.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

If I was a mythical creature, I’d be a Sighclops.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

My life goal is to make you feel as awkward or awesome as you are making me feel.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Asked a German woman why Germany produced so many legendary physicists / mathematicians, and her response was basically, “Have you considered educating people who aren’t rich?”

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

I’m having an orange, and the dogs keep looking at me like, “stop eating that ball, dude.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,671

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Unemployed folks always have esoteric knowledge, for some reason.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Them: You post a lot. What am I supposed to do here – fold laundry on the timeline?

Shared recently on Messenger:

Going to bed early is easy, going to sleep early is a whole other set of problems.

Just landed via Telegram:

You don’t need to leave a message in a bottle. If the bottle is full of tequila, I’ll get the message.

Going viral on Slack:

Horror movies should add bloopers, so after watching the main film, you’ll be able to sleep.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I love all the Winter Olympic events, sliding downhill on a piece of wood, sliding downhill on two pieces of wood, sliding downhill in a piece of wood. All amazing.

Trending via Facebook:

I’m only drinking a lot of beer tonight because I need the room in the fridge.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I’m a work in progress that hasn’t made much progress.

Trending via Twitch:

I love being left to my own devices. It’s like yeah, these are my devices.

Going viral on Instagram:

Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.

Gatekeeping how insanely handsome I am by looking like total shit all the time.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Keeping it low-key by blending in with the potato squad! 🥔✨

am, appearance, confidence, gatekeeping, handsome, humor, humor about looks, i, looking, looks, self-deprecating, shit, time, vanity

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The lion does not concern himself with attaching a cover letter.

0

2 months ago

animals, application, concern, confidence, cover, cover letter, humor, job, job application, letter, lion, workplace
I suck at charging my phone, 21 percent charged, and I’m taking it off so I can lay the other way.

0

2 months ago

battery, charged, charging, daily, daily life, humor, i, lay, lazy, life, phone, procrastination, relatable, suck, taking, technology
Don’t forget to have an orgasm today. Partner is optional. Pleasure is not.

0

1 month ago

forget, humor, motivation, optional, orgasm, partner, personal, personal well-being, pleasure, self-care, sexuality, today, well-being
ChatGPT, what do you do when you find out your boyfriend’s been using ChatGPT to write you messages?

0

2 months ago

AI, boyfriend, ChatGPT, dating, humor, joke, message, messages, relationship, technology, using
Don’t worry, I’m only dead inside from the waist up.

0

2 months ago

dead, existential, humor, inside, only, sarcasm, waist, worry
At the grocery store, but forgot my wife’s list so I guess I’ll just follow this other guy around and get what he gets.

0

2 months ago

around, follow, forgot, funny situation, grocery, grocery store, guess, guy, humor, i, just, list, shopping, situation, store, wife

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on Slack this month:

Anyone know how to create an Outlook rule that sends every email to junk, deletes it, blocks the sender, and sets my laptop on fire?

57 shares on Facebook this month:

Dear phone, if you didn’t light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, you wouldn’t have died so quickly!

32 shares on Telegram this month:

If you play guitar in a band, always make sure to look like it hurts to play.

56 shares on YouTube this month:

I think if you ask Kanye for a million at the right time, he’ll give it to you.

49 shares on Telegram this month:

Nothing more rude than taking a photo of yourself and it looking like how you actually look, and not how you look inside your head.

98 shares on Threads this month:

People will think you know what you’re talking about if you give your opinion while cleaning a pair of reading glasses.

34 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m sorry that I’m canceling plans. I made them last week when I assumed that, by now, I’d be a different person.

32 shares on YouTube this month:

I just want a man to look at me the way Doc from ‘Back to the Future’ looks when something exciting happens.

39 shares on Pinterest this month:

You either die a people pleaser, or live long enough to start leaving texts on read.

66 shares on Pinterest this month:

Currently accepting DMs from any man with a sturdy bunker on his property.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

My mama didn’t raise a quitter, she raised a burnt out perfectionist who is sometimes bludgeoned into settling for mediocrity.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Accidentally made eye contact with the sweets at the grocery store and now have to declare bankruptcy.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

I think some outfits just aren’t meant to be worn unless you’re getting straight into a car.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Prepare your kids for social media by putting their artwork on the fridge and writing a bunch of mean comments under it.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Make your salad taste better by putting it between bread, meat, cheese, and Big Mac sauce.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

“This is a great weekend to clean out the garage,” according to my wife and other people who won’t be cleaning the garage.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

That little stroll to the coffee maker makes me happy every morning.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Hey, I noticed you’re completely uninterested in me and couldn’t care whether I live or die. Would you like to build a life together?

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Should I ever be mean and insulting, then it comes from the bottom of my heart.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Unlike men, women would immediately admit their mistakes if they had any.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

How you conduct yourself when using plastic wrap is the real you.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Smithereens is the worst way to get blown.

Breaking via X:

Congress taking an entire month off in a country where most people don’t get more than 2 weeks’ vacation is awesome.

Shared recently on Discord:

The question “how is work” really pisses me off. Work is work, bro, I don’t know what else you want me to say.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Interviewer: Can I get you anything? Me: Yeah, a job!

Making waves on Reddit:

Are you my appendix? Cause you seem kind of useless to me.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

You can’t have a bad day at work if you don’t go.

Live now on Messenger:

If you think I’m rude, you should hear the voices in my head.

Seen just now on YouTube:

The human body is amazing. One half-open eye and the brain under emergency power are enough to make coffee.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

When they have a dream sequence in a movie, how do they film the person’s dream?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Gatekeeping how insanely handsome I am by looking like total shit all the time.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The lion does not concern himself with attaching a cover letter.

I suck at charging my phone, 21 percent charged, and I’m taking it off so I can lay the other way.

Don’t forget to have an orgasm today. Partner is optional. Pleasure is not.

ChatGPT, what do you do when you find out your boyfriend’s been using ChatGPT to write you messages?

Don’t worry, I’m only dead inside from the waist up.

At the grocery store, but forgot my wife’s list so I guess I’ll just follow this other guy around and get what he gets.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨