Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • You can eat cheesecake for breakfast if you want to. No one can stop you. The police can’t even stop you.
  • Before I die, I’m going to arrange for a friend to take my phone, and after the funeral, text everybody to say “thanks for coming” and other assorted messages of appreciation.
  • Do I work hard? No. But do I work smart to compensate. Absolutely not.
  • I still make time for all my favorite hobbies, like drinking, swearing, and making people feel uncomfortable.
  • Christmas bonus so small you have to call your bank and ask “is it in yet?”
  • If you want to impress me with your car, it better be a food truck.